My partner and I are both in recovery from addiction. I’ve been sober for 12 years, while he has just celebrated his second year of sobriety. Our drinking habits were quite different. I struggled with binge drinking, where one drink often led to ten, leaving me intoxicated and ready to collapse. My partner, on the other hand, was a regular drinker. Every evening after work, he’d crack open a beer. Cooking on the grill? A cold drink was always in his hand. Whether celebrating or coping with life’s challenges, alcohol was his go-to companion. What began with beer eventually escalated to wine, and then hard liquor. It became clear that our relationship was suffering as a result, and neither of us was truly content.
At first, I didn’t hold any resentment toward him for drinking; during the early stages of my sobriety, I was unfazed. I was determined and happy to be the designated driver, letting him enjoy a glass or two when we went out. However, those glasses soon turned into several drinks, often leading to arguments. After a decade of witnessing his drinking evolve into troubling behavior, I reached my breaking point. The alcohol was negatively impacting our relationship, and it was unhealthy for both of us.
Then one evening, we went out for dinner, and he ordered water. This was a place where he typically indulged in steak and fine red wine. When I asked why he wasn’t drinking, he revealed that he had decided to quit for good. He hadn’t touched a drop in two weeks, and I hadn’t even noticed. Alcohol had created such a divide between us that we rarely spent time together at home. His announcement left me in shock, filled with joy, relief, and pride.
He made a choice: to be a father instead of a drunk. Since then, our relationship has transformed completely. Fewer arguments, more quality time, and our children are thriving. We are stronger without alcohol pulling us apart, and that brings me happiness. However, this leads to a delicate issue: our kids. What lessons do we impart to them? It’s certainly a challenge.
Our children are aware of our struggles with alcohol; it’s not a secret we hide. We openly discuss it with them. With a 13-year-old, an 11-year-old, an 8-year-old, and a 5-year-old, they understand what alcohol is and see others drinking regularly. We don’t live in a house devoid of alcohol; we’re happy to serve drinks to guests. This can confuse them. If we don’t drink, why do we buy it? How do we explain that?
It’s complicated. I want my children to understand that alcohol itself isn’t inherently bad. Many people can enjoy a drink or two and lead perfectly normal lives. We just happen to not be among those individuals, and our children may not be either. Genetics play a significant role in the risk of developing alcohol-related issues, and the odds are not in their favor. Looking at our family history, the same can be said for my partner and me.
I don’t want them to fear alcohol, but I want them to be aware of its consequences — both short-term and long-term. Drinking too much can lead to drunkenness, illness, and regrettable actions. One could end up with a severe hangover or, worse, develop a problem that could derail their life. They could lose their job, home, and loved ones if they become overly consumed by it. Thankfully, my partner and I avoided that fate, but we were dangerously close.
I wish for my children to approach alcohol responsibly. They need to recognize the potential for developing an unhealthy relationship with it if they aren’t careful. It’s a tough reality, and I want to prepare them without instilling fear.
Conversely, I worry that if I discuss alcohol too much, they might rebel and start drinking as soon as they can. That’s a fear I carry — that they’ll sneak drinks and quickly develop a dependency. Their young minds can’t fully grasp the lifelong consequences of their actions. I must tread carefully.
Currently, my older kids claim they will never drink. That’s an ambitious promise. Once they reach college, things might change, or they could succumb to peer pressure sooner. It’s a thought I dread, yet I must confront it.
When the time comes for my kids to explore alcohol, I hope they remember our family history and make thoughtful choices. Our struggles with addiction don’t define them, but they undeniably impact their lives. My mother always says moderation is key, and while that’s true, sometimes moderation isn’t part of the equation, leading to extremes. I pray that for my children, moderation becomes both their vocabulary and their guiding principle.
Alcohol is pervasive in our society, but making wise choices is essential. We emphasize this to our children from a young age, encouraging them to think before they act. As they grow, I hope they also develop wisdom related to alcohol.
You don’t have to conform to societal expectations or feel pressured to fit in. You can remain true to yourself without needing a drink in your hand. Trying alcohol is fine, but knowing when to stop is crucial. I pray for their safety, strength, and wisdom. While my story has a positive ending, I still hope they don’t follow in our footsteps.
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In summary, as recovering addicts, my partner and I want to guide our children away from the pitfalls of alcohol without instilling fear. It’s a balance of education, openness, and hope that they will cultivate a healthy relationship with alcohol, should they choose to drink.
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