I Shared Joyful Snapshots on Social Media, While Battling My Postpartum Depression

My aunt has never been one to offer compliments, but she was quick to share her criticisms. A particularly memorable remark was when she expressed, “I hope you never have children.” More on that later. However, she did recognize one talent of mine—writing. After I assisted her daughter with her college application essay, my aunt offered what felt like a compliment: “I hope you do something with this someday.”

Why am I sharing this? Despite her wishes, I went on to become a mother—twice. Yet behind the cheerful facade of motherhood I showcased on social media, I was grappling with severe postpartum depression.

Understanding Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression can often be brushed off as just the “baby blues.” Maybe you did a quick online search after your own delivery to understand why tears seemed to flow at the slightest trigger and found articles that suggested it was likely just hormonal and that things would soon stabilize.

But what happens when those feelings don’t fade away? When people tell you that you’re struggling with motherhood, or when they comment on how “easy” your baby is after just one brief encounter, despite the fact that you spent the previous night trying to soothe a baby who cried non-stop?

In my case, I withdrew. Interacting with others only deepened my fears of inadequacy. I would carry my fussy baby in a carrier, pacing the hallway as I waited for my partner to return home, greeted by his concerned gaze. He would remark that I was a shadow of my former self. “Shell” was the perfect term to describe how I felt—fragile and on the verge of breaking.

The Facade of Social Media

As I read more in hopes that it would indeed get easier after the newborn phase, I plastered on a smile for social media, thinking it would convey that I had it all together. Little did I know, this only left other new mothers questioning why they felt so overwhelmed.

That’s the pitfall of social media: it’s easy to compare your reality to everyone else’s curated highlight reel. I look back at the pictures I posted of my son as a baby, and I can see through the cheerful captions.

Caption: Finally asleep after a long night!
Translation: I’m utterly drained.
Caption: Enjoying some quiet time! (adorable photo with a pacifier)
Translation: His cries are pushing me to my limits.

The posts continued until one day, I could no longer keep up the act. The urge to escape overwhelmed me, but instead, I made the best choice I could have and drove to my doctor’s office.

When I arrived, I could hardly speak, the lump in my throat constricting my voice. That fragile shell had finally shattered.

Seeking Help

My doctor calmly informed me that I was experiencing postpartum depression. I insisted it wasn’t true; I didn’t want to harm my baby or myself, I just yearned for my old life.

I soon realized that postpartum depression isn’t always what you see portrayed on screen. Sometimes, it looks like a plethora of adorable baby pictures on a mother’s social media feed, desperately seeking connection. Other times, it manifests as a tear-streaked, exhausted reflection staring back in the mirror.

I anticipated that postpartum depression would revisit me when I had my daughter a few years later, and sure enough, it hit me hard. I avoided social interactions, making excuse after excuse to keep to myself. Guests would compliment my tidy home, oblivious to the chaos I had merely shoved out of sight and into my mind.

This time, I recognized the storm brewing and didn’t resist it. I sought the help I needed to cherish her babyhood. This was my last chance; I wouldn’t let that joy slip away again.

Help can take many forms, whether it’s therapy, medication, or simply allowing yourself to express those bottled-up feelings. It’s essential to find what works for you, and the sooner, the better for your mental well-being.

Reflections on Motherhood

Now, back to my aunt. If you ever read this, I’m sorry for going against your wishes and having children. Some days I may falter, and my kids might say I’m not their friend anymore. Yet most days, I’m their comfort, their storyteller, their boo-boo kisser, and their entire world.

You’ll be pleased to know that I did heed one piece of your advice. I’m writing this piece to let other mothers know they’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed by the monumental transition that is motherhood and to offer a listening ear when the role feels unbearable.

Thank you for encouraging me to “do something with this.” If my words can resonate with even one person, that has become the most meaningful statement you’ve ever made to me.

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Conclusion

In summary, my journey through postpartum depression has taught me that many mothers struggle silently behind their curated social media images. Seeking help and being open about these challenges can bring relief and connection, reinforcing that no one is truly alone in this overwhelming experience of motherhood.