In this advice column, our team addresses your most pressing questions about parenting, life, and relationships. This week, we tackle a dilemma many parents face: what to do when another child is aggressive toward your own. Should you encourage your child to report the behavior to an adult, or is it acceptable to teach them to defend themselves?
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
My son just started kindergarten, and two weeks into the school year, he tells me another child has been hitting him on the head while waiting for the bus. It seems to be unprovoked, and a teacher did intervene eventually. I’m wondering, is it appropriate to teach my son to hit back if someone hits him? I believe it’s important to show him that he shouldn’t start a fight, but if someone hits him first, he should stand up for himself. My husband thinks we should just instruct him to tell the teacher. What’s the best approach?
I realize this might not be the most popular opinion, but I agree with your perspective. While hitting is never acceptable without reason, if another child is attacking your son, I think it’s not only okay to hit back but might be the most effective response available.
Reflecting on my own childhood experiences, I often found myself on the receiving end of bullying because I was perceived as an “easy target.” My parents’ labeling didn’t help, and part of the issue was that I never fought back. Reporting the bullies only made things worse, as kids know who the “narc” is, which often leads to more attacks. When you adopt a passive approach, bullies might see it as a sign of weakness, leading them to target you more persistently. While it’s natural to be hesitant about confrontation, lacking the confidence to defend oneself can create long-lasting challenges.
Your son doesn’t need to become a martial arts expert, but teaching him to assertively respond to aggression—perhaps with a firm push and a clear, “Don’t ever touch me again!”—could be beneficial. This isn’t easy for a young child, so role-playing can help build his confidence. Practice scenarios where he can safely assert himself. It’s important for him to understand that his body is his own, and he has every right to defend it. Sometimes, a little taste of their own medicine is precisely what bullies need to reconsider their actions.
This is the approach I’m taking with my own child, and I only wish I had received similar guidance when I was younger. Equip him with the tools he needs to build confidence as he grows. And if he finds himself in trouble for standing up for himself, just show the teachers this advice—I’ll gladly take the blame. Though I was timid once, I’ve learned to be outspoken, and it’s been empowering. Trust me, it does get easier. Good luck, and give your son an extra hug from me.
For more tips and insights, explore other articles on parenting and self-defense strategies, such as this one on home insemination. You can also find valuable information on fertility and family building at Make a Mom and learn more about pregnancy resources from CCRM IVF.
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Summary:
In this article, we explore the question of whether parents should teach their children to hit back when faced with aggression from peers. While opinions differ, many agree that fostering assertiveness can be crucial for a child’s confidence. Role-playing and encouraging firm responses can help children navigate bullying situations effectively.
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