When you meet me, you might think I’m a genuinely nice person—friendly, curious, and passionate. But when it comes to my children’s IEP meetings, I take a very different approach. Any parent who’s been involved in these meetings to develop or modify their child’s individualized education program knows that you can’t just stroll in unprepared. You need to gear up and be ready for a serious discussion.
Before you jump to conclusions, let me clarify: my determination doesn’t mean I don’t respect teachers. I have many educator friends, I support my children’s teachers, and I spent almost a decade teaching in higher education. Disrespecting teachers has no place in the IEP process—they can be some of your biggest allies. However, they are just one part of a larger equation.
I don’t walk into an IEP meeting looking to make friends. Instead, I come armed with my binder of parental rights and responsibilities—an essential document from the state board of education. It’s as conspicuous as a celebrity flaunting a new designer handbag. Carrying that binder sends a clear message: I know my rights and my child’s rights, and I’m ready to advocate for them.
Along with my binder, I also bring a clipboard. Sure, it makes me look like a 1980s gym teacher (minus the whistle), but taking notes is vital for staying organized and effectively advocating for my child. I keep these notes because you never know when you’ll need to reference them. Remembering every detail from the meeting is impossible, so documenting our discussions is crucial.
When attending an IEP meeting, don’t show up in your gym clothes. Treat it as a business meeting that will significantly impact your child’s education—because that’s exactly what it is. Dress appropriately because you’re representing your child and their future. While I’m not advocating for formal evening wear, I definitely believe in dressing the part.
To be an effective parent in an IEP meeting, you must become knowledgeable about educational law. Understanding your rights, the offerings of the school, your child’s diagnoses, and the roles of everyone involved is essential. This preparation isn’t casual; it requires you to come with a list of questions, concerns, and aspirations. You can’t cram the night before like you might have done in school. Instead, you need to invest time in preparing well in advance.
IEP meetings can be quite stressful, as they directly affect your child’s success. I make sure to incorporate relaxing activities like Epsom salt baths, breathing exercises, and listening to music to stay calm before the meeting. Yes, it might seem like preparing for childbirth, but an IEP meeting can feel like its own labor of love.
I’ve participated in more than a dozen meetings since becoming a parent. Early on, I was passive, mostly because I didn’t know what to expect. I felt like I was just there to listen to updates about my child’s challenges and successes, not to actively take part. I would ask questions and bring some paperwork, but I was unaware of the ins and outs of the process. We would sign the new IEP and go on our way.
This approach changed after a grueling two-year battle for one of my children, which led us to hire an educational attorney. I learned a lot during that process. First, I needed to know my child’s current information inside and out: report cards, test scores, evaluations. I also learned the importance of keeping every single correspondence from school staff. Secondly, I figured out how to organize this information. Although I’ve never been great with numbers or graphs, I eventually started tracking data to identify trends regarding my child’s needs.
I became more vocal and assertive in meetings. I no longer hesitate to address disrespectful comments or misinformation when I hear them. I’ll confidently say, “That’s not correct,” and wait for a correction. At the same time, I make sure to acknowledge and thank those educators who genuinely work hard to support my child. I believe in giving credit where it’s due.
It’s crucial not to just “play nice” in these meetings. The objective is to create a plan that truly supports your child’s success. If I’m not assertive and dedicated, my child won’t receive the support they are entitled to under educational and disability laws.
Attending these meetings requires practice and a lot of self-compassion. With the right preparation, commitment, and focus on your child’s education, you too can become “that mom” in the IEP meetings—the one who is unwavering in her support for her child.
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Summary: Approaching IEP meetings with preparation and confidence is crucial for advocating effectively for your child’s educational needs. Understanding your rights, dressing appropriately, and being assertive can significantly impact your child’s success. With the right mindset and organization, you can navigate these meetings like a pro.
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