I’ve struggled with body image issues for as long as I can remember. Even during my younger, more athletic days, I felt self-conscious about my weight. Now, in my mid-thirties and after having three children, I look back and wish I could embrace the body I once criticized.
I am acutely aware of my body image challenges, understanding their origins largely stem from my upbringing. Although my parents never openly critiqued my appearance, they instilled the belief that beauty equated to being thin, and that weight gain was a sign of laziness. This mindset is deeply ingrained and hard to shake, even when I know it’s unfounded. As I gained weight in adulthood, I flirted with disordered eating, a struggle that still affects me today.
As a mother of two daughters, ages 8 and 6, I am committed to ensuring they grow up loving and accepting their bodies, no matter their shape. My husband supports me in this goal, and we’ve established a household where discussions about body image—positive or negative—are off-limits. We focus on appreciating our bodies for their capabilities rather than their appearance. Compliments are directed towards our daughters’ talents and features that remain unchanged by weight, such as their smiles and creativity. We’ve even banned the word “fat” in our home, correcting them whenever they use it. I avoid dieting or weighing myself in front of them to set a positive example.
Despite these efforts, my daughters have recently started making offhand comments that feel like body shaming. They aren’t mean-spirited, but their remarks have been unrelenting. Some examples include:
- “Is your butt going to fit in that chair? Because it looks big.”
- “Are you going to break that floatie? You seem heavy.”
- “Your legs look funny and big in that.”
- “You look like you are having a baby.”
- “Why is your tummy so big?”
These comments sting, pushing me toward unhealthy coping mechanisms. I remind them it’s not polite to comment on others’ bodies, but I haven’t expressed how deeply their words affect me. I fear that if I show my hurt, I’ll inadvertently teach them that being “big” or “heavy” is a negative thing.
Yesterday, on my 10-year wedding anniversary, I experienced another painful moment. After losing some weight through healthier choices, I sat down to enjoy a salad when my daughter, Mia, commented, “Not to be mean, but your legs are really big.” That remark made me question my meal choice and left me feeling self-conscious during a night I had looked forward to.
I acknowledge this is my personal struggle, and my kids aren’t to blame. I’m striving to guide them away from body shaming without instilling insecurities in them. However, I currently feel lost on how to approach this issue.
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In summary, as I navigate my daughters’ comments about my body, I recognize the importance of teaching them about body positivity while managing my own insecurities. It’s a challenging balance that I continue to work on daily.
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