Do you recall Sheryl Crow’s song “You’re My Favorite Mistake?” Sometimes, I find myself thinking about my favorite mistake: my ex from two decades ago. Back when we were both twenty-one, he was a tall, toned guy with spiky hair, striking blue eyes, and a boundless energy that came from his ADHD. He possessed a sharp intellect, one of the brightest I’ve known—only rivaled by my husband. My husband’s smarts are more gentle, meandering through the realms of fantasy novels and biology, whereas C. engaged fiercely in debates on politics and policy, often showcasing his sharp tongue in class. To this day, his infamous one-liner about colonialism remains legendary in our university.
Some days, I really miss that guy.
At the time, I was seeing someone else when we had our fling. “I’m coming up for your birthday,” he told me, knowing I was returning home for a few days.
“Don’t,” I replied, fully aware my boyfriend was also visiting.
With that charming lopsided grin of his, he said, “Maybe I’ll do it anyway.”
“Don’t you dare,” I warned, because I knew he was the type to take any challenge. I adored him for it. He pulled me into a back-bending kiss and winked, “You’ll just have to wait and see,” before strutting away like he owned the place.
As my birthday approached, I was terrified that two guys would show up at my door ready to brawl. Thankfully, my ex didn’t follow through on his threat, but that thrilling hint of danger was part of his allure. We may have left some questionable items in my underwear drawer for my parents to find, but that’s another tale.
That Was Twenty Years Ago
It’s been two decades since I last saw him. Sometimes, I think about those wild days amid the chaos of kids and marriage. Life has slowed down significantly. I still reside in my college town, and on warm summer nights, memories flood back—like when we would sneak out to his parents’ hot tub while they were glued to an episode of Survivor. Or that time we shot cans off his diving board with a BB gun, much to the dismay of his neighbors.
He was a wild spirit, and I matched him step for step. We indulged in too many cigarettes, too much loud sex in my dorm room, and too many arguments over trivial matters. He was notorious for switching sides in debates just for fun. We skipped class, blasted our favorite tunes, and he drove like a maniac, all while we sang along to Billy Joel, competing to see who could recite “We Didn’t Start the Fire” first.
One time, I jokingly said he wouldn’t marry me in Vegas. “You wouldn’t marry me in Vegas,” he shot back.
“No, you wouldn’t!” I insisted.
Suddenly, his phone rang. “Child, what the hell are you doing?!” exclaimed our dorm’s assistant principal.
“Uh, we’re about to get married in Vegas,” he replied casually.
“Get yourselves back to the dorm!” was the stern response. Thank goodness he managed to avoid that impulsive decision.
I Don’t Necessarily Miss My Ex
Of course, I looked him up. I was in his city once, and after a few drinks, I had my friend hold my phone to stop me from calling him after spotting a picture of him mountain climbing. He’s married now, and our kids are the same age. He’s not that chiseled guy anymore—he’s lost his hair and gained a bit of weight (who hasn’t?).
I don’t yearn for our physical relationship, even if it was exhilarating; I’m much happier with my husband. The arguments we had were draining, and while counting palmetto bugs and marking them on a calendar was amusing, it wasn’t worth the loud disputes.
What I miss is the thrill of youth, the rebellious spirit we shared. The way people reacted when they saw us—“Oh no, it’s them!” would be written all over their faces. I miss the eye-rolls and that sense of defiance. I miss the spontaneous adventures, whether it was BB gun antics or late-night drives with no destination in mind.
But let’s be honest, I’m too old for that life now, and so is he. I wouldn’t want us to relive those days. I cherish my relationship with my husband, enjoying quiet moments over coffee and waking up next to someone who loves me for who I truly am. I hope my ex has found that too.
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