Before you embark on a frantic search through your house, perhaps checking behind the refrigerator or in the backyard to locate a baby that may or may not exist, this simplified assessment can help you determine if you are indeed a parent of an infant.
1. Examine Your Shirt
A) It’s pristine, stylish, and freshly ironed; I just donned it this morning.
B) It’s wrinkled and could use a wash, but it doesn’t have an awful smell and is (mostly) free of stains. It might have a couple of small holes.
C) There are five or more stains, particularly around the shoulders; only one or two are from my own meals. I can’t recall when I put it on, but I’ve definitely slept in it for at least two nights.
Interpretation:
A: You are not a parent. You sound well put together and rested—unfortunately, I envy you.
B: You’re also not a parent; you might just be a bit disorganized. Get it together.
C: Congratulations! You are a parent!
2. Dinner Time Routine
A) I hop in the car; there’s a new sushi restaurant just thirty minutes away!
B) I head to my beautifully organized gourmet kitchen and whip up a healthy, delicious meal for my family. We eat together at the dining table, away from the television.
C) I go to the kitchen where there’s enough food for side dishes, but I forgot to thaw any meat, so I’m stuck with frozen ground beef. Realizing I haven’t eaten all day, I grab a box of crackers and stand at the counter, contemplating dinner as I munch until I’m no longer hungry. Later, around 10 PM, I’ll eat leftovers from my kids’ plates while loading the dishwasher, and I can’t recall the last time I had a meal sitting down.
Interpretation:
A: You do not have a baby—unless you’re one of those couples who takes their baby to restaurants without noticing the child is crying.
B: I’m sorry to say you might be a fictional character.
C: Congrats on having a baby! Or perhaps an eating disorder. It’s often hard to tell.
3. Home Decor Color Scheme
A) Modern and monochromatic; I appreciate a cohesive design with texture and subtle color highlights.
B) Warm and traditional; I prefer rich colors, quality fabrics, and deep wood tones.
C) Eclectic; my decor combines decent furniture with old college items, topped with a chaotic mix of colorful toys. It looks as if a Toys R Us store has exploded in my living room.
Interpretation:
A: You do not have a baby. The only colors parents see in their homes are the stains from their children’s food.
B: No baby here; once you have children, “expensive” purchases become a relic of the past.
C: You definitely have a baby. A childless adult wouldn’t display eye-searing primary colors in their home.
4. Recent Ridiculous Statements
A) “I believe a two-party system is ideal for governance. Washington is just wonderful!”
B) “I bet I can spit on the cat from here!”
C) “What’s wrong with my little doodle? Does my wittle boodle have a poopy pants?”
Interpretation:
A: You aren’t a parent. Parents are too busy dealing with children to engage in political discussions.
B: I hope for your sake you don’t have a baby.
C: Congratulations! You have a baby! Your speech reflects the mental state of many parents.
5. Best Time for “You” Time
A) I wake up early, before anyone else, to meditate and do yoga.
B) I enjoy driving; it’s a time to gather my thoughts or turn up music and relax!
C) I lock the bathroom door to indulge in a bubble bath.
Interpretation:
This was a trick question—none of these scenarios belong to a parent. Once you have children, personal time simply evaporates.
If you found yourself identifying with some of the parenting traits outlined here, you might be in the thick of parenthood. For additional insights on fertility and home insemination, consider visiting Progyny for excellent resources. You can also explore this guide on boosting fertility supplements or learn more about the couples’ fertility journey for intracervical insemination.
In summary, this light-hearted quiz can help clarify whether you are navigating the complicated yet rewarding world of parenting.
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