When my twins arrived, I suddenly found myself managing three little ones in diapers. The mess, the expense, the odors, the waste, and the struggle of dressing them— it was overwhelming. Despite my aversion to diapers, I never felt compelled to rush my kids into potty training. I had heard tales of parents who trained their toddlers to use the toilet by closely monitoring their cues and whisking them away before accidents occurred. Some parents even just removed the diapers and forced their children to adapt. No thanks. I also received advice not to worry too much about their toilet training. “You’ve never seen a college student in diapers, right?” While that sentiment might be lighthearted, it overlooks some realities, and trust me, I saw a lot during my time at Penn State.
My approach to potty training was pretty laid-back, following my kids’ cues. While I did encourage my son a bit more than my daughters since preschool required him to be potty trained, I never subjected them to a structured potty training bootcamp. You don’t have to either. Here’s some advice from a parent who has moved on from the diaper stage.
Wait for Their Readiness
The saying “you can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink” applies perfectly here. Toddlers are notoriously stubborn and will resist any attempts to control them. If your child shows no interest in using the toilet or wearing “big kid” underwear, then jumping into potty training will likely lead to frustration and a lot of laundry. Thankfully, my eldest was curious about potty training shortly after her siblings were born. Her daycare introduced her to mini toilets, which piqued her interest. We got a mini potty for home, and she started using it. Pull-ups were helpful for a while, but what really motivated her was picking out her own underwear. Once she realized the connection between using the potty and not ruining her new underwear, everything clicked.
In the first weeks, I gently reminded her to use the potty and encouraged her to try every hour or so. There was some bribery involved—I used M&Ms as motivation—but I never forced or threatened her. Sure, there were accidents, but we avoided power struggles.
Choose the Right Potty
We experimented with several mini potties, but my daughters didn’t like the splashing that occurred, so we switched to a toilet seat insert. A foldable insert is also handy for trips. My son initially feared the big toilet and disliked the splashing from mini potties as well. To help him acclimate, we practiced sitting on the toilet with the lid down, then moved to sitting on the insert, and eventually he was ready to try peeing. It took time for him to get the hang of things, especially pooping, and I did lose a few pairs of underwear along the way. There was no way he would have managed a three-day potty training bootcamp just because I decided it was time.
Expect Setbacks
Potty training can be tricky and exhausting, but it should involve your child’s willingness to participate. Kids should never be punished for accidents or setbacks. Rebecca Parlakian from the child development nonprofit Zero to Three emphasizes that children learn through practice and repetition, which includes making mistakes. Regression is normal and can happen for various reasons, like constipation or changes at home. Staying calm and encouraging your child can help them regain confidence.
It’s essential to be patient and gentle with kids during this significant transition. While some might be ready to start potty training between 18 and 24 months, most are ready by age three. Each child is different, and unless they’re ready to say goodbye to diapers, it’s going to be a struggle for everyone involved.
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In summary, potty training doesn’t have to be a stressful bootcamp experience. By waiting for your child’s readiness and using a gentle approach, you can make the process smoother for both of you.
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