I Grew Up with My Grandparents, and We Would Have Benefited from a Community Like Bridge Meadows

Updated: Sep. 10, 2021

I was raised in a spacious brown two-story house located on the outskirts of Eastern Long Island, a good two hours from New York City. As I grew older, I would occasionally hear comments from strangers like, “You resemble your dad,” or “Your mom is stunning.” What those individuals didn’t realize, and what I felt too embarrassed to admit, was that the people they assumed were my parents were actually my maternal grandparents. My biological parents were largely absent, too young, and engrossed in their previous lives to take care of me.

In many ways, I became my grandparents’ child; they were responsible for my upbringing until my junior year of college, when they helped me move into my first apartment. Like countless other children in the U.S., I was raised solely by my grandparents. Families can fracture for a multitude of reasons, such as incarceration, addiction, or neglect, leaving children in precarious situations. While some end up in the foster care system, others, like my siblings and me, find themselves in the care of relatives through kinship guardianship or adoption.

My grandparents were exactly the caregivers I needed. They provided for me financially and instilled values that I cherish today. Yet, despite their love and support, they struggled to keep a stable home. We relocated frequently for job opportunities and, I suspect, to escape my mother’s increasingly erratic behavior as her addiction to crack cocaine worsened.

We could have benefited from a community like Bridge Meadows.

What is Bridge Meadows?

What is Bridge Meadows, you might wonder? It is a network of housing developments dedicated to improving the lives of children and their caregivers, particularly multigenerational families like mine. Situated in Portland and Beaverton, Oregon—with more locations planned—these communities serve families in need of support.

According to their website, Bridge Meadows “develops and sustains intentional, intergenerational communities for youth formerly in foster care, adoptive families, and elders, building place, permanence, and shared social purpose one community at a time.” Reading this fills me with both sadness and hope. Bridge Meadows is not just a safe place to live; it’s a space where children can heal from the trauma associated with foster care.

I’ve learned firsthand that even with loving and attentive grandparents, trauma can still occur. My parents were often absent, and when they were present, I found myself managing their emotions and lives. Many families, even those that seem to “have it all,” grapple with trauma. The communities created by Bridge Meadows offer healing, support, and kinship—things that every family can benefit from.

In 2010, research indicated that 1 in 14 children, or 5.4 million kids, were being raised by grandparents—an increase from 4.7 million in 2005. The same study noted that over half of these children were primarily cared for by grandparents, with the number of such caregivers rising significantly. This illustrates the growing need for support for these families.

Many multigenerational families face challenges that society is ill-equipped to address, such as adequate rehabilitation for those struggling with substance abuse, sufficient housing, and educational opportunities for both children and caregivers. Bridge Meadows is addressing a significant gap that many families can benefit from.

Communities like Bridge Meadows exemplify the saying “it takes a village” to raise a child. They provide not just housing, but also hope for families dealing with unconventional dynamics.

Having been raised by my grandparents, I now find myself raising my half-brother as my own son. This little boy, who came into my life almost fifteen years ago, has taught me invaluable lessons about parenting and the essential role of community in wellbeing. Parenting is undoubtedly challenging, especially in nontraditional households. Communities like Bridge Meadows provide crucial support, and as someone who has experienced a multigenerational family life, I believe this model should be replicated nationwide.

We owe it to the grandparents who have stepped up to fulfill the roles their own children could not.