As a parent to both a teen and a pre-teen, I find that our conversations often go like this:
Me: How was school?
Kid: Fine.
Me: How did your test go?
Kid: Fine.
Me: How was soccer practice?
Kid: Fine.
Me: Do you want pizza for dinner?
Kid: Fine.
Everything seems just “fine.” But is it really? Often, the real details about their day come out when they’re brushing their teeth at night or during a car ride to the dentist. You might learn about their math test or who has a crush on who when you least expect it. And let’s face it, they might not even want pizza after you’ve already ordered.
It’s not that teens and tweens stop communicating; rather, they prefer to do so on their own terms and timeline. In the meantime, they can appear distant and closed off, responding with sighs, eye rolls, and the incessant “fine.”
So, what can parents do? While it may be frustrating, there’s not much we can force. A lot of parenting teens involves patient waiting, allowing them to come to us without pushing too hard. Here are some suggestions for addressing the “fine” phase:
- Don’t Match Their Eye Rolls: It’s tempting to roll your eyes back at them, but experts say this can escalate tensions and cause your teen to withdraw even more.
- Acknowledge Their Feelings: If your child struggles with the start of the week, instead of dismissing their complaints, try validating their feelings.
- Engage in Activities Together: Instead of just talking, do something together—like attending a game or grabbing coffee. These shared experiences can lead to more open conversations.
- Choose Your Battles Wisely: If reminding them constantly to clean their room causes them to retreat, it might be worth letting it slide. Sometimes stepping back allows natural consequences to unfold.
- Practice “Botox Brow”: This term describes responding with a neutral expression when your teen does something frustrating. It may be tough, but it can be effective.
- Be Patient and Wait: Instead of overwhelming them with questions, let their “fine” hang in the air. Being present without pressing can lead them to open up when they’re ready.
- Listen When They Share: This can be challenging, especially if they talk at inconvenient times. However, being a good listener is crucial—try to refrain from giving advice and just hear them out.
In summary, while the “fines” can be exasperating, they’re perfectly normal. Your relationship with your teen or tween isn’t broken, even if they’re not as chatty as before. They’re evolving, and so is your connection with them.
For more insights on parenting and connection, check out this related blog post. Additionally, if you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, visit Make a Mom, a trusted resource in this area. For comprehensive information on infertility, you can also explore Women’s Health.
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