Establishing Guidelines for Tickling Your Children: An Important Consideration

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Tickling may seem like harmless fun, but it’s essential to approach it with caution. When I was chatting with my friend Clara, I heard her 9-month-old son Leo squealing in delight. “Is Leo okay?” I asked, concerned. “Oh, he’s laughing!” Clara replied. “Mark is just playing Tickle Monster.”

Alarm bells rang in my head. “Are you sure he enjoys it?” I cautiously probed. “Absolutely! Why do you ask?” she responded, clearly curious. “Well, laughter doesn’t always equate to enjoyment…” I began, but she quickly dismissed my concerns. “He loves it,” she said, before rushing off the phone.

I regretted raising the issue, but how could I stay silent? Tickling a defenseless child raises ethical questions. Many adults misinterpret a child’s laughter, perceiving it as joy when it might mask discomfort. Renowned biologist Richard Alexander elaborates on this in his New York Times article, stating that ticklish laughter can transform into tears with the slightest excess.

Historically, tickling has been used as a form of torture, from ancient Chinese practices to more recent accounts of its use in wartime. Unfortunately, we often overlook the potential distress associated with tickling. I’ve spoken to many individuals who recounted traumatic experiences:

• “I dreaded being tickled as a child; it felt suffocating and out of control.”
• “My parents would tickle me despite my pleas to stop, leaving me feeling powerless.”
• “I enjoyed it at first, but it often ended in panic.”

It raises a question: do parents ignore their children’s boundaries because they genuinely believe laughter signifies enjoyment, or because they desire to enhance a child’s mood?

I once witnessed a father tickling his daughter while she was focused on her artwork. She visibly grimaced, but he continued, insisting it was all in good fun. Such actions can be invasive, disregarding a child’s need for concentration and personal space.

Moreover, tickling can unintentionally set the stage for inappropriate behavior. As noted by psychotherapist Dana Simmons, sexual predators may use tickling as a grooming technique, desensitizing children to unwanted physical contact. It’s crucial for parents to respect their child’s “No” or “Stop!” even in playful contexts, reinforcing their autonomy over their bodies.

To ensure tickling remains a positive interaction, consider the following guidelines:

1. Avoid tickling infants who cannot verbally communicate their comfort level.
2. Always ask for permission before tickling, even if it means sacrificing surprise.
3. Establish a clear signal for when a child wants you to stop, especially if they can’t articulate it amidst laughter.

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In summary, while tickling can be a source of joy for some children, it’s essential to approach it thoughtfully and with respect for their boundaries. Engaging with your child’s comfort levels and emotions can foster a healthy environment where they feel safe and heard.