By: Maria Thompson
Updated: Sep. 13, 2021
I recently hit the milestone of my thirtieth wedding anniversary. The day came and went quietly—no triumphant theme music, just an ordinary Tuesday marked by a bottle of wine, some seafood, and a few adorable photos shared online. Honestly, reaching this point didn’t feel like such an epic journey. Many friends and family members are still navigating their own long-term marriages, while others my age are just starting out or have finally found “the one” after a few attempts at love. Those starry-eyed couples make it hard for me to hang out too often; it’s tough not to feel a bit self-conscious about sharing the not-so-glamorous moments of my own relationship. Although thirty years of marriage might seem significant, it didn’t feel as monumental as it could have. Honestly, if I had to choose between staying married or diving into the world of online dating—yikes.
I don’t have any profound insights or secret tricks to share (my “Master Class in Matrimony” would likely resemble a comedy act), but having made it this far, I suppose I have picked up a few nuggets of wisdom on cohabiting with quirks. Sure, we’ve come a long way, but it’s not because I chose a flawless partner (more on his jazz hands later). The truth is, I just happened to pick someone who’s remarkably patient with me.
I consider myself pretty easygoing—until I’m not. I’m reasonably logical—until it comes to shoes. I’m somewhat knowledgeable—until it’s time to answer history, geography, or science trivia. I can be a blast—until you add in Tito’s vodka. And that’s not even mentioning the fun I bring with heels, hot wings, beer, and karaoke!
As for my husband? Well, let’s just say he has his own quirks. He’s a little eccentric (he insists on closing every blind in the house when he showers, convinced the neighbors are peeking), a bit of a rebel (he refuses to get up in the middle of the night to finish a colonoscopy prep), and sometimes downright annoying (everyone adores him—seriously, it’s frustrating).
While I’m trying to fend off the effects of aging (hello, collagen powder), he seems to be aging in real-time right in front of me. Want to know the weather forecast every morning before you’ve had your coffee? He’s your guy! His weekend routine? Watching rock documentaries at dawn and then going on about them for the rest of the day. Stevie Nicks, we hardly knew ye.
Then there are those little things that seem to be part of the Husband Oath: choosing mind-numbing movies and then dozing off during them while asking for a recap (hard pass), commandeering the remote only to scroll his phone mid-show, and taking longer to warm up the shower than it takes him to actually shower. Oh, and the best part? He loses weight effortlessly whenever he feels he’s gained a few pounds. How does he still have a partner, right?
But if I’m being truthful, it’s not all doom and gloom. He’s an amazing dad (though he did lose some authority after declaring during a family argument, “This ain’t no gangsta family!”—that phrase is now legendary in our household). He’s gradually regaining their respect—he’s completed a couple of marathons and now has Venmo, so he’s on the right track.
He truly understands me, and he still reminds me to be careful whenever he sees me on a step stool. Plus, he buys me tiny, ridiculous underwear online because, in his eyes, I haven’t aged a day since 1991.
Most days, we feel like a walking marriage meme (you know, “If you enjoy being annoyed by how someone loads the dishwasher, marriage might be for you!”), but we’ve found our rhythm. Long-term couples often get comfortable in ways that aren’t always appealing, but we’ve discovered that the key is to stagger our “unsexy” phases.
We’ve faced our share of challenges, but like childbirth, those struggles fade into distant memories once you’ve moved past them. At the heart of it, we genuinely like each other, and yes, despite the jazz hands, we make each other laugh.
Speaking of those jazz hands, he has a habit of showcasing them when dancing in public—imagine a delightfully exuberant guy, arms raised high, bouncing around while encouraging others to join him. This signals that I’ve officially become the designated driver for the night. See? We complement each other.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, James, will you accept this rose? Let’s celebrate! How about we revisit our three-hour wedding video and see if we recognize anyone?
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In summary, thirty years of marriage is a journey filled with ups and downs, laughter, and love. While it’s not always glamorous, the bond we’ve created and the experiences we’ve shared make it all worthwhile.
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