Tears streamed down her cheeks. One moment, we were enjoying a calm chat about her school day, and the next, she was overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness around some classmates. When I probed further, she revealed that the girls in her class mainly talked about TikTok videos—an area she was completely in the dark about.
My tween has a smartphone, but we’ve chosen not to allow her on social media. Her phone is primarily for texting, setting alarms, and listening to music. She’s shown remarkable responsibility with it, always alerting us to anything inappropriate and adhering to the rules we’ve set. The issue isn’t her; we often remind her, “It’s not you, it’s them”—referring to social media and peers who lack healthy boundaries.
I admit that we have a fairly strict parenting style. As a writer, I deal with online negativity, including harsh comments and trolling. I have thick skin, but when it comes to my children, I’m determined to shield them from bullying and what we consider inappropriate content online. While I enjoy TikTok and occasionally contribute to it, I’m not ready to expose my child to a world that feels more suited for adults.
Additionally, we prioritize family meals, relaxation, physical activity, and—gasp—reading books. While tech can be entertaining in moderation, my tween has noticed that many of her friends often eat alone, glued to their screens. Yes, it can be mindless fun, but it can also expose them to content we don’t believe is appropriate for twelve-year-olds.
At school, when the girls gather, their conversations revolve around TikTok videos that my daughter hasn’t even seen. Since phones are prohibited during school hours, they can’t share the videos directly; they just talk endlessly about them. When my tween mentioned this, I could picture the scenario and sympathize. Middle school is a time when many kids feel pressured to fit in and often struggle with self-image.
When I asked how this affected her, she expressed a mix of annoyance and sadness, admitting that she felt excluded. Interestingly, she also pointed out that they should diversify their conversation topics, as discussing one thing constantly gets boring. She even exclaimed, “Why can’t they just read a book sometimes?” (As a proud mom of a book-loving kid, I couldn’t agree more.)
My tween might be a bit of an outlier. She enjoys reading, learning, and even baking. Watching her whip up new recipes is a delight. Unlike many of her peers, she doesn’t obsess over makeup or crushes and has never once asked us to allow her on social media.
Yes, it’s 2021, and technology is integral to our lives. I spend my share of time online, but I’m an adult with a fully developed perspective. I can differentiate between reality and the filtered world that social media often projects.
While my child is developing critical thinking skills, she doesn’t need platforms like Instagram or TikTok to do so. She’s interested in her appearance, but not to the obsessive level of some peers. She’s not striving for the perfect filtered selfie. I don’t mind her wanting to look nice or experimenting with makeup if she chooses, but I’m concerned about the pressure that comes from a culture obsessed with unrealistic perfection.
Women spend years learning to accept their bodies, imperfections and all. I can’t stop my children from struggling with self-acceptance, but I can help them by keeping social media from reinforcing the idea that they need to be anything other than amazing just as they are.
I want my kids to focus on self-improvement rather than on projecting an image for the sake of likes and validation. Social media should ultimately be a tool for connection, not a platform for idolizing unrealistic standards.
Call me old-fashioned, but I refuse to push my child into a toxic space that I believe is more harmful than beneficial. As adults, we’ve learned to avoid toxic influences, and to me, social media is one of the most toxic environments, especially for tweens.
I encourage my child to engage in text conversations but also value face-to-face connections and genuine relationships. My hope is for her to thrive without her self-worth tied to the number of likes on a filtered photo.
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Summary:
This article explores the challenges my tween faces due to her friends’ fixation on TikTok, highlighting the importance of balancing technology with face-to-face interactions and personal growth. It emphasizes the need for parents to safeguard their children from the pressures of social media while encouraging diverse interests and self-acceptance.
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