During the pandemic, my husband, Mark, who is also the stepdad to my kids, and I decided to invest in an RV, eagerly awaiting the right chance to hit the road. With four children from my previous marriage and two from Mark’s, we’ve experienced life much like a modern-day “Brady Bunch,” minus the ever-helpful Alice, ever since we tied the knot a decade ago. While we cherished the lively atmosphere filled with kids, pets, and delightful chaos, we were also looking forward to the tranquility of an empty nest.
My youngest son, a passionate car lover and self-taught mechanic, decided to attend college all the way across the country in Michigan. It seemed fitting to break in the RV with a leisurely drive to see him off. To our pleasant surprise, he agreed to the plan without hesitation, displaying the cheerful disposition he’s always had.
Unlike many universities starting in the fall, my son was set to begin his summer session as an incoming freshman. He was permitted to bring his car to campus, bypassing the usual one-year wait. We arranged for him to drive alongside us in his vehicle while Mark and I alternated driving the RV.
However, our plans took an unexpected turn when my son’s air conditioning failed in the sweltering heat of Montana, where temperatures soared to 109 degrees. As the skilled mechanic he is, he confidently slid under his car to assess the situation. After about 45 minutes, he emerged looking dejected, realizing the repairs were beyond what he could manage at a campground far from home. Seeing him caked in dirt and dripping with sweat, I instinctively suggested he take a shower.
To my surprise and disappointment, he responded with a rare “No.” Mark and I exchanged glances, both taken aback. As a supportive stepdad, Mark knows when to step back and let me handle things my way, which often contrasts with his own co-parenting style. This was one of those moments when I could have used his gentle nudge to ease up. But instead, I dug in my heels, insisting, “Shower, or else.”
I should have known better. As a family lawyer and mother of four, I’ve learned that engaging in a power struggle leads to mutual frustration. And that’s exactly what transpired. When I finally asked Mark to intervene, my son still hadn’t showered by morning and was acting stubbornly. Though he didn’t elaborate on his feelings with Mark, he eventually relented and took a shower. Problem solved? Not quite.
After getting back on the road, my son seemed unusually agitated when we reached Yellowstone National Park. Instead of sharing in the excitement, he expressed a desire to turn around and go home. I was taken aback; this was so unlike him.
“Why do you want to go home?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
“I’m really worried that I won’t get the air conditioner fixed before school starts,” he admitted. “Maybe it’s better if I just drive back and fly to Michigan myself.”
I was stunned. I hadn’t realized how much the air conditioning issue had stressed him out. As we talked, he opened up about his nerves regarding college, and the pressure of dealing with car repairs in an unfamiliar place was overwhelming for him. I listened, amazed at his ability to articulate his feelings maturely.
After our conversation, I felt a wave of calm wash over me. Instead of pressuring him to stick to our original plan, I asked for his input. He suggested we cut some stops from our trip so we could reach Michigan sooner, allowing him to get his car repaired before classes started. It was a reasonable compromise, and he visibly relaxed as we made new plans together.
Upon arriving in Michigan, we found a local mechanic and arranged for the repairs. I felt confident that my son, with his mechanical skills, would be able to handle things on his own one day, maybe even sending Mark and me to Mars on a rocket he helped build. After settling him into his dorm, we picked up the car, and it was finally time to say goodbye.
As we drove away in separate directions, I took comfort in knowing we had navigated this journey together.
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Summary:
During a road trip to drop off my son at college, I realized he was ready for this new chapter when he articulated his anxieties about car repairs and starting school. Our conversation revealed his growth and maturity, leading us to adapt our plans together. This experience highlighted his readiness for college and our evolving relationship as he steps into adulthood.
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