My partner is set to deploy for the first time soon. After being part of a military family for years, we’ve experienced separations before—eight months here, four months there, a few weeks, a month—but this time feels different. We’ve been fortunate that his role hasn’t required overseas deployments until now. While we’ve been apart in the past, it was never quite like this.
This time, he’s not just heading off for a brief training or a quick mission to share his expertise at another base. Instead, he’ll board a plane and I won’t see him for nine months. He’ll lace up his boots, pack his gear, and rise before dawn to catch the C-17 that will take him halfway around the world, to a place where our waking hours will hardly align.
His deployment isn’t combat-oriented, and it’s deemed relatively safe. I recognize how fortunate I am as a military spouse that I don’t have to lie awake at night worrying about his safety. Yet, I’m still allowed to feel sad, and I do. I’ll miss him deeply, and the thought of parenting solo for months is daunting.
We’ve navigated this before, and I managed well because that’s just what parents do. We handle it.
I know I can manage the kids and the household on my own logistically. In fact, things tend to run smoother when he’s away. It sounds odd, but without him here, we keep everything simple. I avoid elaborate meals, which means fewer dishes to clean. He won’t be adding to the laundry pile with his uniforms every day, making it easier to keep up. My kids and I adjust after a week or two and settle into a routine without Dad, and we usually make it work.
However, there are still logistical challenges that can feel overwhelming. Managing tasks like lawn care, pest control, and general maintenance isn’t my strong suit. It’s not that I can’t do it; it’s just one more thing on my plate, and I worry about forgetting something important.
But the toughest aspect of deployment is the emotional weight it brings. I live with anxiety, and while medication keeps me stable, my husband is my anchor. He brings me comfort like no one else can. During his deployment, I will be facing these challenges alone, relying on other coping mechanisms that aren’t as effective. I know I will get through it, but it will be harder without him.
I’ll do my best to make special occasions memorable, even without him around, but I know my kids will feel his absence. He’s the type of dad who never misses an event. While one missed holiday isn’t catastrophic, they’re still young and may not grasp concepts like “other kids have it worse” or “he’ll be back next time.” I refuse to diminish their feelings; they’re allowed to miss their dad. Watching them struggle with that will break my heart.
Knowing he’ll be away from us weighs heavily.
For him, the hardest part will be missing out on everything back home. One of our kids is at a crucial age, and a nine-month separation means he’ll leave with a baby and return to find a toddler. I know he’s dreading that, and I never tell him I wish he didn’t have to go. He works tirelessly, and I’m proud of him. We knew this was part of our life when he enlisted.
I recognize that a few months apart is nothing compared to the dread of having a spouse in immediate danger. I’d never compare my situation to that of those whose partners are in combat or who have lost their loved ones. I understand that not all struggles are equal.
Yet, I feel it’s important to share how this will affect us, as it reminds us all to be kind.
We won’t be in mourning while he’s away. Our family will continue as we always do, but we’ll operate at an elevated level of anxiety and emotion until he returns and life feels normal again. We may not need the same support as someone coping with a permanent loss, but we will certainly appreciate a little understanding and grace during this time.
You know the saying, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle?” It holds true for a reason. Like every military spouse before me, I’ll roll up my sleeves and tackle what needs to be done while my partner fulfills his duty. My kids will continue to grow and thrive, but there will be challenging moments. I hope those we encounter will show us kindness rather than add to our struggles.
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Summary:
As a military spouse, the upcoming nine-month deployment of my partner brings mixed emotions. While I know I can manage the household and kids, the emotional toll is significant. The absence of my partner will be felt deeply, especially by our children. Although the deployment isn’t combat-related, the emotional burden remains heavy. We will keep moving forward, but a little kindness goes a long way during this challenging time.
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