An Excerpt from ‘This Is a Guide for Parents of LGBTQ+ Youth’

Navigating the Journey of Acceptance

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As a parent, you may find yourself grappling with questions like, “Is this a choice?”, “What will others think?”, or “Did I do something wrong?” While your child embarks on the journey of coming out, you will also face decisions regarding how to share this significant information with those around you. It’s crucial to consider a variety of factors, including your own comfort level and your child’s readiness to disclose their identity to others. It’s important to recognize that the process of coming out involves not just your child, but you as well.

When Should You Share This Information?

The timing of sharing your child’s identity varies significantly and is contingent on when both you and your child feel ready. Here are some scenarios to consider:

1. Mutual Desire to Share: If both you and your child agree that others should know, and your child wishes to take the lead in this conversation, it’s essential to support them. Allow your child the freedom to communicate their truth in their own words. You can offer encouragement and be available for discussions or questions afterward. It may also be beneficial to prepare your child for potential reactions from specific individuals.
2. Child Prefers Parental Disclosure: If your child feels confident in their identity but prefers you to initiate the conversation, discuss what they would like you to convey. Having clarity on how to express this information can ease the conversation, allowing your child to engage more comfortably once the news is out.
3. Child is Ready, But You’re Not: It’s entirely valid for you to need time to process your child’s coming out. If you’re not ready to share this news, communicate that to your child. Explain that you need to gather your thoughts and emotions before discussing this with others, and propose a timeline to revisit the conversation to ensure the matter remains open and supportive.
4. Child is Not Ready to Share: If your child isn’t prepared for others to know about their sexuality, it’s vital to honor their wishes. This stage of self-discovery is pivotal for them, and pushing them to disclose information could hinder their confidence and well-being. Check in with them periodically to see if their feelings have changed.
5. Both Parent and Child are Hesitant: This situation is common, and it’s important to remember that you are under no obligation to disclose your child’s identity. This is a deeply personal matter that should prioritize your relationship with your child. Engage in open dialogues about your hesitations, as this can foster a deeper understanding and potentially ease both of your concerns in the future.

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In summary, the journey of coming out is a shared experience between you and your child. It’s important to approach these discussions with empathy, clarity, and open communication, ultimately prioritizing your child’s comfort and well-being throughout the process.