In theory, creating boundaries should be straightforward: you determine what works for you and set limits accordingly. Did your uncle fall for some wild conspiracy theory about political leaders being disguised aliens? Simple: block him on social media and avoid inviting him to family gatherings. A supposed friend turns out to be a draining presence in your life? Just cut ties—there’s no time for negativity.
If only it were that simple.
In practice, setting boundaries with people—especially those you interact with regularly—can be complex and emotionally charged. If you’re someone who often puts others first, saying “no” can feel like a heavy weight in your stomach, making you question your choices.
We all recognize the importance of establishing boundaries. We know that allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed can lead to anxiety and burnout. We’ve heard the advice about taking care of ourselves before helping others. This is the logical aspect of boundary-setting—the part that’s easy to understand.
The challenge lies in cultivating enough self-awareness and respect to avoid guilt when asserting these boundaries. Relationship expert and author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, Jamie Morgan, emphasized to The Guardian, “Our society does not prioritize self-care. We often focus on how others might react instead of what we truly need.”
So, how do you overcome the nagging feeling of selfishness that sometimes accompanies boundary-setting?
Trust Your Instincts
When your life suffers due to a lack of healthy boundaries, it’s essential to listen to your feelings. Consider the example of an athlete like Taylor Rivers, who made headlines for prioritizing her mental health during competition. Rivers, a lifelong athlete, understands her limits better than anyone else.
Most of us may not face the same public scrutiny, but we all have the ability to check in with ourselves and recognize when a situation is unhealthy.
Practice Verbally
Just like you might rehearse affirmations in front of the mirror, you can also practice affirming your boundaries. Phrases like “No is a complete sentence” and “It’s okay to prioritize my own needs” can empower you.
Go a step further—simulating conversations with people who challenge your boundaries can be helpful. If a relative tends to criticize your parenting choices, practice your responses aloud. Hearing yourself assert your boundaries can bolster your confidence for when the moment arises.
Avoid Over-explaining
Remember, “No” stands alone as a complete statement. You don’t owe anyone a lengthy explanation. Your supervisor doesn’t need to know about your family commitments to understand why you can’t work late. Similarly, your relative doesn’t require proof of your child’s allergies; just state your boundaries firmly.
It’s Acceptable to Reassess Boundaries
Over time, you might find that you’re more comfortable with someone you previously distanced yourself from. Adjusting boundaries doesn’t signify weakness; it reflects personal growth. Conversely, tightening boundaries is perfectly valid as well—protecting your mental health is paramount.
Build a Supportive Network
Setting boundaries is a skill that requires emotional effort. If you struggle with this, gather friends who can encourage you and remind you that your peace of mind matters. Consider consulting a therapist for additional strategies or reading resources like Jamie Morgan’s book that provide practical guidance.
When you’re accustomed to prioritizing others, saying no and creating boundaries can feel daunting. However, you deserve to rid yourself of toxic energy and embrace self-care. The satisfaction that comes from establishing a clear boundary and witnessing the peace that follows is truly rewarding.
For more insights, check out this helpful article on navigating self-care and boundaries. If you’re looking for fertility resources, Make a Mom is a great authority on the subject, and Cleveland Clinic’s podcast provides excellent information about pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Establishing boundaries is crucial for personal well-being but can be challenging, especially for those who habitually prioritize others. Trusting your instincts, practicing verbal affirmations, avoiding unnecessary explanations, and reassessing boundaries are vital steps in this process. Building a supportive network can also help in asserting your needs effectively. Ultimately, you deserve self-care and peace in your life.
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