Have you ever been surprised to hear someone say they’ve only been intimate with one person? It’s not something you typically hear, particularly from those in their 40s. My journey to intimacy was not motivated by religious beliefs, even though I identify as a devoted Catholic. I’m not here to judge anyone for their choices or to suggest I’m somehow superior for waiting.
In my earlier years, my faith did play a role in my decisions, especially during high school. However, once I entered the world of dating in my twenties, my perspective shifted. At the age of 27, I lost my virginity, which was quite unusual among my peers. I often found myself labeled as “the virgin friend,” which puzzled me because it was a personal aspect of my life. But honestly, I didn’t mind. If someone was interested in me solely for physical intimacy, they weren’t the kind of person I wanted to attract. As I matured, the significance of my virginity grew, and I became more selective about whom I wanted to share it with.
Before my husband, I had one other serious relationship during college. It was a loving partnership, and while we were very physical and shared a bed nightly, we never fully crossed that line. He respected my boundaries and supported my choices, which set the standard for how I wanted to be treated. When that relationship ended, I understood what I deserved and wouldn’t settle for anything less.
I met my husband at work, and after a few casual outings, I felt a connection. One evening, I shared my truth with him about my intentions and waited for his reaction. To my surprise, he smiled, which brought me comfort and joy. It was clear that he was someone special.
As our relationship progressed, I began to realize that he was the person I had been hoping to find. He honored my decisions and genuinely loved me. It was a love unlike anything I had experienced before, and it felt promising. I had waited a long time to share my most vulnerable self; when the moment finally arrived, it felt completely right.
We had numerous conversations about our intimacy, and I made one request: I wanted to be sober when I lost my virginity. While we enjoyed drinks together, I wanted to ensure the experience was genuine and that I was fully aware. The moment came on an ordinary Sunday morning. I didn’t know what to expect after waiting so long, but I felt neither disappointment nor guilt. Instead, I was happy and content, certain that I had made the right choice.
Some people find it hard to believe that I have only been intimate with one person. They often ask how I know if my sex life is fulfilling. The truth is, I’m not sure. But it’s sufficient for me, and I prefer it this way. I sometimes ponder how individuals in relationships feel when they know their past experiences were more thrilling. That thought would trouble me, but I understand everyone is different.
My husband was not a virgin when we met, and I have no desire to know his past. What matters to me is that he chose me to be his last partner. Out of respect for my health, I insisted he get tested before we became intimate, as safety has always been important to me.
Now, 15 years into our marriage, I would not change a thing about my decision to wait until I met him. Is my experience the right choice for everyone? Certainly not! However, I know I’m not alone in my journey.
As a mother, I would encourage my daughter to consider her options, not to impose my path on her but to help her understand the importance of informed decisions. Above all, I hope she finds someone who respects her choices, just as I did.
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In summary, my experience with intimacy has been unique but fulfilling. It’s essential to make choices that align with your values and desires, and I encourage others to find what feels right for them.
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