For a long time, I believed I was simply feeling overwhelmed from being a stay-at-home mom or that I was just “touched out” from breastfeeding. I saw other mothers expressing similar feelings online, so it seemed reasonable. But as time went on, I began to question if that was truly the case.
After enrolling my kids in daycare, I realized that my feelings of being touched out weren’t solely due to parenting. I kept hoping that as my children grew older, things would change. However, I recalled that we had started experiencing intimacy issues long before the kids even arrived.
I attributed my disinterest in intimacy to exhaustion, stress, or hunger — I could easily list a hundred reasons in seconds. Yet despite my efforts to engage, nothing shifted.
It took me 32 years to uncover the truth that TikTok helped me grasp in just a few minutes: I am attracted to women. Coming to terms with this realization was challenging, and revealing it to my husband felt even more daunting. He had been my closest friend for over six years, and I suddenly felt as though I was hiding a significant part of myself from him.
Initially, I approached the conversation by identifying as bisexual, primarily because I was married to a man and had only ever dated men before. To my surprise, he reacted with understanding and support, encouraging me to explore this new aspect of my sexuality. He even assisted me in setting up online dating profiles while we established that we didn’t want this revelation to disrupt our home life.
After sharing my truth, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, but I knew deep down that there was more to discover. The more I reflected, the clearer it became why my past relationships had ended similarly; the initial excitement faded, leaving a void in sexual chemistry. I finally had to confront the reality: I hadn’t desired intimacy with my husband for years, and it wasn’t his fault. I am a lesbian.
My husband, being the thoughtful person he is, acknowledged that he should have recognized the signs. Our friendship thrived, but the intimacy we both craved was absent. We realized that we had been so caught up in our busy lives, and later our parenting duties, that we overlooked the signs.
Together, we decided against separating our family because we genuinely enjoy our life together. We don’t fight, and we cherish raising our children as a team. We shifted our living arrangements, with him moving his things to the other side of the house, ensuring that we could maintain our supportive environment as best friends and co-parents.
Even as we adapted to this new chapter, I found a renewed sense of happiness and stability in our home. The pressure to be the ideal spouse diminished, allowing us to view each other as best friends instead. This openness in communication has enriched our relationship tremendously.
For our children, we are modeling the idea that it’s never too late to embrace one’s true self. We want them to grow up accepting and non-judgmental, understanding that love takes many forms. By demonstrating acceptance and respect, we are teaching them that there are various ways to be a loving family, and that challenges can be overcome with love and understanding.
For more insights on similar topics, you can check out this blog post on home insemination. Also, for those exploring pregnancy and home insemination, Make A Mom is a valuable resource. Additionally, Facts About Fertility offers excellent information on this subject.
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