I sometimes find myself reminiscing about the simpler times when my kids were in elementary school. Just before the dismissal bell rang, a group of us moms would gather on the playground, chatting about everything from the challenges of third-grade math to our deepest parenting insecurities. We were all just trying to figure it out, second-guessing our every move. Was it too harsh to make my child rewrite spelling words? Was it acceptable to use the iPad as a temporary babysitter? And what about that class bully who stabbed my son with a sharpened pencil—was it wrong to imagine myself confronting him? The beauty of our little circle was that we all shared the same uncertainty and weren’t afraid to express it.
The only parents I found off-putting were the overly rigid ones, those who seemed to have strict rules etched in stone. They would talk about how their own parents disciplined them and how it turned out fine. But I often wondered why we were discussing dating rules for kids who hadn’t even lost all their baby teeth yet.
Some of these moms managed to penetrate my support group, and I sometimes wish we had found a way to politely remove them. Instead, they made me question my own uncertainty. Why didn’t I have a strict bedtime policy? Why wasn’t I enforcing an hour of reading after school? It required a lot of supportive conversations with like-minded mothers for me to realize a few essential truths: (1) There’s no universal approach to parenting; (2) Confident parents don’t necessarily know more than I do; they just believe they do; (3) I would never be entirely sure whether my parenting choices were right or wrong, and I had to trust my instincts and the advice of my fellow moms.
Now, I see those inflexible parents still around, their unwavering beliefs having evolved a bit over the years. They once had all the answers, so why shouldn’t they still? Among their many outdated mandates, one I truly dislike is the idea that you should drop your child off at college and not see them again until Thanksgiving break.
I understand the rationale: cutting ties with home supposedly helps freshmen adapt to their new environment and cope with homesickness. But this seems just as risky as tossing a child in a pool and hoping they can swim. Some manage to stay afloat; others sink; and some drift without ever forgetting the trauma of being left to fend for themselves. If a student manages to survive this abrupt transition, do the ends justify the means? Isn’t there a more tailored way to support them?
It’s absurd to assume every kid will thrive if they’re just dropped off at college. I was one of the lucky ones who adapted quickly to college life, diving headfirst into the experience. My roommate, however, was left behind by her parents and struggled to cope, feeling abandoned and isolated. We represent the extremes of the spectrum, but what about all the nuances in between?
It’s tough to gauge the right level of support for a child embarking on their first significant adventure. My son has been away for five weeks now, and his reactions have been all over the place—sometimes he wants space, other times he’s asking for more cookies. His needs are unpredictable, and that’s perfectly fine. I expected this variability.
Day by day, I’m left wondering if we’re being too clingy or if we’re giving him the right amount of space. Our responsibility isn’t to predict every challenge he might face; it’s to remain attuned to his cues. Contrary to popular belief, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to navigating this college journey from day one. The best we can do is embrace the uncertainty and move forward together.
If you’re interested in related topics, check out this post from our other blog for some insights on home insemination and parenting.
Summary
This article reflects on the complexities of parenting during the transition to college, highlighting the differences in how families handle the separation. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing that every child’s needs are unique and that there isn’t a single correct approach to supporting them in this new stage of life.
Leave a Reply