When I tried to watch Home Alone last Christmas with my nine-year-old daughter and seven-year-old twins, I didn’t anticipate that we’d have to turn it off after just a third of the film. They were scrambling into my lap, shrieking in fear. The comedic elements vanished when they imagined being left alone to fend off burglars and a potentially frightening old neighbor, despite my assurances that the old man was a friend. I should have foreseen this reaction, given that the snow monster in Frozen, the escapades in Jumanji, and much of Coco were too intense for my sensitive little ones. What many consider family-friendly films often prove to be overwhelming for my little “nervous nellies.”
As a child, I watched Scooby-Doo, Gremlins, Ghostbusters, E.T., and even Nightmare on Elm Street—classics that scared us back then without raising a single eyebrow from adults. Now, as a parent, I’d never dream of showing my kids those films at their age; I have no desire for them to experience nightmares. We even opted for Casper last Halloween as our “spooky” movie.
However, with movies that aren’t labeled as scary, there’s usually a scene that requires me to walk them through it. Sometimes we have to change the film altogether. I take full responsibility for the trauma I inadvertently caused my eldest during The NeverEnding Story. How did I forget about that horse scene? Early trauma has a way of sticking with you. Sorry, kid.
Every child is different, and it’s perfectly fine for some to be more sensitive than others. Many children struggle to distinguish between fiction and reality; they can’t shake the notion that a villain might actually harm them, or that one of their parents could leave them or even die. What’s up with Disney? I genuinely thought Toy Story or Lady and The Tramp would be safe choices.
Sierra Filucci, the executive parenting editor at Common Sense Media, notes that “grotesque faces or anything outside of realistic features can be disturbing to kids, even when adults may not see it that way.” Instead of dismissing their fears, we need to acknowledge their feelings. Just because we aren’t scared doesn’t mean they aren’t, and telling them otherwise is a form of gaslighting. I’ve paused films to explain upcoming scenes, assured them that everything will turn out fine, pointed out the absurdity of what frightens them, and reminded them that it’s all just fiction. Sometimes, that suffices, and we make it through; other times, we have to select a different movie.
Before picking a film, I consult Common Sense Media for guidance. Once we have a few options, we watch the trailers multiple times to gauge the film’s tone. I read the descriptions to my kids, reminding them that we can always stop the movie if it becomes too much for anyone.
Interestingly, my kids possess vivid imaginations, often playing games that mimic what they’ve seen on screen. They enjoy hide-and-seek and spy games, engage in epic pool noodle battles, and my son loves to draw monsters and action scenes. Yet, when it comes to seeing those creatures in movies, he wants nothing to do with it. Despite his collection of toy swords and ninja stars, he’s the first to surrender when a fight scene occurs in a film.
Filucci adds, “Parents are often surprised by what truly frightens their kids.” My son adored The Mandalorian series, despite its array of bizarre creatures and blaster guns, so I thought Iron Man would be a suitable superhero introduction. I was wrong; there was “too much fighting.” Compared to The Mandalorian, there wasn’t a cute Grogu to lighten the mood.
My daughters managed to get through Iron Man because they knew there were two more films after it, giving them comfort that Iron Man would survive the villains. They are willing to try the sequel, while my son prefers to watch the Paw Patrol movie again. That’s the kind of gentle, predictable film that appeals to my kids—especially my son—making it challenging to agree on a movie. It’s even harder to find one that excites me to watch with them. My kids lean toward Air Bud, Space Jam, and Paw Patrol, which is perfectly fine.
Choosing a movie requires a bit more effort, but I’m in no hurry to desensitize my children. I don’t believe they should have to endure discomfort. Research by Dr. Joanne Cantor and Dr. Kristen Harrison indicates that “children who didn’t intend to view a scary film but followed along with others were at greater risk for lasting fright effects.” They can experience crying, nausea, and clinginess. No, thank you.
While I’d prefer something with more depth, it’s not worth traumatizing my kids for a more intricate storyline. Honestly, it’s heartwarming that they aren’t ready for the films their peers are watching. Their innocence will fade soon enough, so I’m more than happy to make family movie night enjoyable for my nervous nellies.
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In summary, it’s perfectly okay for my kids to be sensitive to certain movies. I understand their fears are valid, and I prioritize their comfort over pushing them into content they aren’t ready for. Family movie nights should be enjoyable, even if it means watching films that may not be as exciting for me.
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