More often than not, I find myself wishing that my partner, Jenna, and I shared a more active sex life. Our sexual desires don’t quite align; I would be thrilled with intimacy a few times a week, while she’s comfortable with just two or three times a month. Over time, we’ve navigated our differences and established what works for us. Open communication about our sexual needs has become essential — both prior to and during our intimate moments.
When we began reminiscing about our “sex before kids,” the conversation naturally shifted to our past partners. Until recently, we had avoided discussing our experiences with previous lovers. While we kept those memories in the past, I soon realized that exploring them could strengthen our connection.
After viewing a steamy scene on “The L Word: Generation Q,” my curiosity was piqued. I wanted to know more about Jenna’s past relationships and what she enjoyed with her exes. Part of me hoped that understanding what worked for her in those relationships could add some excitement to our own. Although I felt a bit apprehensive about starting the conversation, once we began, it felt incredibly timely and necessary. “What did you enjoy with her… in bed?” I asked, my anxiety visibly etched on my face. But Jenna responded with a half-smile. “I was the one who initiated things,” she replied.
Suddenly, a wave of insecurity washed over me. Had we already explored those avenues? Did she want to try them with me? These were questions I hesitated to voice but eventually found the courage to ask. This conversation turned out to be one of the most meaningful discussions we’ve had regarding our past sexual partners. Why? Because we were no longer the insecure couple focused solely on impressing each other with our sexual prowess.
In that moment, we were experienced partners, eager to understand one another more deeply. We appreciated how far we had come, recognizing that this conversation was crucial for our growth as a couple. According to psychologist Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., “Despite difficulties in disclosing previous intimate details, self-disclosure enhances intimacy.” Many counselors recommend sharing your sexual history with your partner, as it can lead to mutual understanding, stronger trust, and improved communication. Perhaps that was our aim — to avoid repeating past mistakes in the bedroom.
By the end of our conversation, we discovered that we could talk freely about what had pleased us in the past, even if those preferences had changed. We could confess that certain experiences, like using a mini-vibrator with an ex, had never made it to our nightstand. I made it clear that certain things, like tossing my salad, would remain strictly in the kitchen.
This open dialogue revealed that we had nothing to hide. We weren’t concealing anything significant — we hadn’t been promiscuous or unfaithful, nor did we have any undisclosed STDs. Understanding what had transpired between my partner and her exes allowed me to know her better. It enabled me to ask questions and explore whether we might incorporate some of those past experiences into our own relationship. This kind of intimate communication can open new doors for couples willing to engage in it.
For more insights on home insemination, check out this excellent resource. If you’re interested in exploring options for family planning, you can also read about artificial insemination kits. And to discover more about building your family, visit our other blog post.
Summary
Discussing past sexual partners can enhance intimacy between couples by fostering open communication and understanding. By sharing their experiences, Jenna and I were able to strengthen our relationship, overcome insecurities, and explore new possibilities in the bedroom. This conversation not only deepened our bond but also allowed us to appreciate the journey we’ve taken together as a committed couple.
Leave a Reply