It’s been some time since I walked away from a job that greatly diminished my self-worth and made me question my life choices. Surprisingly, I was only there for about a year, yet the emotional toll it took was profound and lingering.
In hindsight, I should have listened to my instincts before accepting the position. My mom posed a crucial question: “How is this better than what you’re currently doing?” During interviews, I felt exposed and on the defensive about my shortcomings. Eager to feel valued, I created reasons to rationalize my decision.
Initially, the excitement of starting a new role was exhilarating, but that feeling faded quickly. As time went on, I felt increasingly manipulated by leadership that touted a positive “culture” while acting in ways that contradicted it. Less experienced individuals were being promoted, and my expertise went unnoticed. A lack of support from managers chipped away at team morale until it all but vanished.
To be clear, there was no outright harassment or blatant abuse, yet my sense of self-worth deteriorated. I’m a capable woman with advanced degrees and extensive experience in my field, yet I felt more demoralized than ever before. Months after leaving this job, I still grapple with feelings of insecurity and disappointment.
Before this experience, I associated toxic workplaces with legal disputes or overt discrimination. However, it can often stem from a single egotistical boss who creates a hostile environment – such as a manager who communicates inconsistently or a micromanager who second-guesses every decision.
Deborah Byrne, a psychologist in Ireland, explains this feeling isn’t just the typical “Monday blues.” It’s a deep-seated dread at the thought of going to work, influenced by high staff turnover, gossip, and poor communication. For me, the ultimate sign was the significant impact on my emotional health, leading to an urgent need to exit.
Strategies to Regain Your Confidence
Once you leave a toxic environment, healing can take time. Here are some strategies to help you regain your confidence:
- Recognize Your Strengths: Write down your skills, both professional and personal. If this feels challenging, ask a trusted friend for their perspective. Reflect on past work successes and build a list to reaffirm your talents.
- Be Mindful of Past Connections: Consider unfollowing your former boss on LinkedIn or snoozing posts from ex-colleagues. You don’t need to sever ties entirely, but be selective about what influences your new beginning.
- Discuss Your Experience: If therapy isn’t an option, talk to friends who might relate. Sharing your story can be therapeutic. Explore books on career transitions and recovering from burnout. Opening up to my therapist, spouse, and friends has helped me realize I’m not alone in this journey.
- Take Time to Reassess: You may need to pause before diving into a new role. Others might benefit from a fresh job while incorporating daily self-care practices like meditation or extended breaks. Some may prefer to disconnect from social media and indulge in a Netflix binge for a while.
- Engage in Your Passions: Revisit the strengths you listed earlier. Pursue hobbies that uplift you, whether that’s scrapbooking or any other activity that fosters your confidence.
- Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Understand that your self-perception may be skewed at the moment. Surround yourself with positive influences and remind yourself that you will regain your footing.
While it can be daunting, believe that healing is possible. You’ll emerge stronger and more assured.
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In summary, leaving a toxic job is just the first step toward recovery. Acknowledge your strengths, set boundaries with your past, and seek support as you navigate this challenging transition. With time and effort, you will reclaim your confidence and thrive.
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