For many mothers, one of the toughest aspects of parenthood—especially during the baby and toddler stages when one child is nursing, another is vying for your attention, or asking for help in the bathroom—is the overwhelming sensation of being “touched out.” The constant invasion of personal space can take a toll on your mental health. And just when you finally manage to get the little ones to sleep, your partner may expect affection too. It feels like it never stops.
Does this resonate with you? Ever fantasized about escaping to a remote field just to find some solitude? Do you envision a future where you can enjoy the peace of a cozy nook filled with your favorite books, comfy slippers, and your own thoughts? No? Just me? Okay then.
Honestly, the feeling of being “touched out”—especially when I had three kids in five years—was incredibly draining. We need to have more conversations about this. While we discuss topics like breastfeeding versus formula, vaginal births versus c-sections, and stay-at-home moms versus working moms, no one warns us about the fact that personal space will be a distant memory for years. The jokes about hiding in the pantry to get a moment’s peace highlight a real struggle, as we often feel desperate to escape the constant clinginess.
This feeling is not just common; it’s normal. We should talk about how to create alone time for ourselves so that when the baby needs feeding, the toddler craves a cuddle, and our partner seeks connection, we can be more present because we’ve had the chance to recharge. When you’re feeling “touched out,” there’s little left to give.
The pandemic has only added to this exhaustion. I find myself at an all-time low and wishing for a break from everything.
Confessions of a Touched-Out Mom
Confessional #1: “I cringe when my partner and kids touch me. After a year of being everyone’s rock, I just can’t take it anymore.”
Confessional #2: “I want to be there for my children, but after a year of virtual learning and working from home, I feel completely drained. I can’t pour from an empty cup.”
Adding to the challenges of raising young kids, a pandemic hit. We were stuck at home, unable to seek refuge in coffee dates or visits to Grandma’s house. As a result, we are more “touched out” than ever and often at our breaking points.
Confessional #3: “I hate being touched, and I miss my alone time. I didn’t realize this about myself before becoming a parent.”
Confessional #4: “One day I’ll treasure the moments when my child wants to climb into my lap, but right now, I just want to enjoy dinner with my husband without interruptions.”
Moms of young children are all too familiar with this struggle. We rarely get to use the bathroom or shower alone. There’s always someone vying for our attention.
Confessional #5: “I can’t stand being touched while I’m trying to sleep, but my partner is a cuddler. I lie awake at night, irritated and restless.”
And while kids constantly invade our space, partners can add to the stress.
Confessional #6: “My partner makes comments about lack of intimacy in front of our friends and wonders why I don’t want to be touched.”
Confessional #7: “I’m exhausted from being pawed at all the time. I wish he would mature.”
It’s not just the kids who cling to us, but our partners as well. Sometimes we just want to read a book, catch up on a show, or simply sleep without being touched.
Confessional #8: “I love my kids and husband, but I don’t want to be touched or talked to all the time. Why can’t they understand that?”
Our families often don’t realize the extent of this fatigue because they aren’t living it daily. Until they’ve experienced sleepless nights, constant diaper changes, and the chaos of parenting, they don’t fully grasp what it means to be “touched out.”
So, to partners out there feeling neglected, try to put yourself in her shoes. Help out around the house—do the dishes, laundry, or give her a weekend away. That’s what she really needs—not more physical attention.
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In summary, the feeling of being “touched out” is a common struggle for many mothers, especially during challenging times like a pandemic. It’s vital to discuss and address this issue openly, allowing mothers to carve out the necessary personal space they need to recharge. Partners should be aware of this and provide support in meaningful ways.
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