I Am My Mother. And…

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Updated: August 20, 2015

Originally Published: April 24, 2010

We’ve all experienced it. You find yourself exclaiming, “Don’t run with scissors!” and immediately realize you’ve turned into your mother.

I had my own moment of revelation when I cautioned one of my children to wear clean underwear in case they were ever in an accident. What was I thinking?

Upon further contemplation, I recognized that I embody not only my mother but also a variety of women. Remember watching the movie Sybil as a child? Sally Field portrayed a character with multiple “personalities,” each emerging as needed. While I do not intend to trivialize the challenges of Multiple Personality Disorder, I find that drawing from various maternal figures helps me navigate the complexities of parenting.

The personalities I channel are often derived from television or film. Some aren’t even mothers, but their traits come in handy when circumstances arise. I reach into my mental card catalog and access these personas as required.

I am my mother and…

1. Martha Stewart: I summon Martha whenever a school project is due in a mere 12 hours. With her calm expertise, I can miraculously gather styrofoam balls, hot glue, and glitter from thin air to create a project worthy of a Nobel Prize.
2. Carol Brady: While I don’t need much from her, I admit to feeling a twinge of envy. A stay-at-home mom of six with a charming husband and a beautiful home—complete with full-time help—how I long for an “Alice”! If I had an Alice, I could manage all the chaos while she handled chores and I dealt with Marsha’s injuries or Greg’s dubious secrets.
3. Gloria Pritchett (from Modern Family): I aspire for her confidence and vitality. Sorry, I was snacking on a treat. Let me rephrase: I desire a fit physique.
4. Minnie (from The Help): Armed with a can of Crisco, she could tackle anything—from frying chicken to detangling hair.
5. Roseanne Connor: I occasionally need Roseanne’s candid, unfiltered honesty. The issue is she tends to appear too late, and I often end up mentally rebuking someone on my way home—our timing needs improvement.
6. Nurse Ratched (from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest): While not a mother, I admire her composed demeanor amidst chaos. “Mr. Cheswick, please sit down. I will answer your question when you are calm. Are you calm now, Mr. Cheswick?”
7. Shirley Partridge: I call on her when it’s time to herd the kids. The psychedelic bus certainly helps, but anyone who can manage five children and arrive at events on time has my respect. Plus, she resolves issues with a song—what a talent!
8. Morticia Addams: She exudes elegance in her black attire and maintains her family smoothly while embracing a delightful eccentricity. Non-conformity is truly admirable!
9. Ree Drummond (The Pioneer Woman): Who wouldn’t want a touch of Ree’s charm? She’s the effortless homeschooling mom of four who balances life on a ranch with grace. When she surfaces in me, I find myself crafting delicious treats and iced coffee.

Oh no, I’ve only listed nine women! This imbalance is unsettling. I need a tenth personality for my list. Please, send suggestions!

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In summary, navigating the journey of motherhood involves channeling various influences, both real and fictional. Each persona offers unique tools and perspectives that aid in the daily challenges of parenting.