Dear Educator,

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I felt it was important to reach out to you ahead of time to share some context about my usually well-behaved daughter, who may face some challenges in school today.

At dinner last night, she confided in me that her most difficult moment at school was when “Sam” kept touching her while they were in line. She expressed that she told him to stop, but he simply mimicked her and continued invading her personal space. Though it might seem like a minor issue for a kindergartener, behaviors like this can escalate over time and contribute to larger societal issues.

I appreciate how demanding your role is, balancing education and social development while managing young children’s unpredictable behaviors. From what my daughter has shared, it seems “Sam” often requires redirection, as his interactions with classmates can be challenging.

As a pediatric psychologist, I understand that children who act out often have complex backgrounds. Factors such as self-regulation issues, inconsistent parenting, family stress, and trauma can all play a part. It’s crucial to see beyond a child’s actions and recognize that they aren’t inherently “bad.” However, I have also witnessed the impact of children like “Sam” on others. Some children express their needs verbally, while others feel powerless and remain silent. This dynamic can lead to a cycle where one child externalizes their frustration and another internalizes their pain. I used to be that quiet girl, shrinking away from conflict, but I’ve learned that it’s not a healthy way to navigate the world.

Children need to grow up believing in their own worth and understanding the importance of personal boundaries. My daughter recognizes that her body belongs to her; she doesn’t have to give hugs out of obligation or accept unwanted touches. However, she is still learning how to assert herself in the world. Research shows that girls often face social pressures that teach them to be accommodating, while boys are encouraged to take up more space. This unequal socialization can affect how they navigate personal boundaries throughout their lives.

When I asked my daughter how she responded after “Sam” continued to invade her space, she simply shrugged and looked down. At just five years old, she has already begun to diminish her boundaries to please others.

That’s why I encouraged her to stand up for herself.

In an ideal scenario, her words would be respected from the start. But if someone crosses her boundaries and disregards her requests, she has my full support to defend herself whichever way she feels is necessary. She understands the importance of reporting to you, but I also recognize that sometimes kids hesitate to advocate for themselves due to fear of consequences. I want her to feel empowered to step out of line when it comes to protecting her well-being.

I respect the rules you have in place, but I also want her to know that if those boundaries are unfairly drawn or inconsistently applied, she is encouraged to challenge them. My daughter tends to be more obedient than confrontational, but I believe it’s essential for her to develop both self-initiative and self-control.

If “Sam” continues to overstep, she has various options to reclaim her space, whether that means loudly asserting herself or using her tae kwon do skills to protect her boundaries. I understand there may be consequences for her actions, even in self-defense, but I also recognize that remaining passive can have deep-rooted effects on her self-worth.

While I don’t advocate for violence, I think it’s vital for her to learn when to speak up and when to stand her ground. Teaching her to assert her boundaries early in life may help shift the narrative from #metoo to #notme.

I am committed to raising my daughter to own her space in the world and to have a voice that is unafraid to be heard. She will respect boundaries, but she won’t let herself be confined by those that are drawn improperly.

So, Educator, now you have a clearer picture of my daughter’s approach. Whether she is in line or not, I am fully supportive of her journey.

For more insights on similar topics, you might find this post on our blog helpful: https://homeinsemination.gay/?p=40262. Additionally, if you’re interested in learning more about at-home insemination options, this resource from Make A Mom is a great start. For further information on infertility and related topics, Women’s Health provides excellent resources.

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In summary, I am raising my daughter to value herself and to assert her boundaries in a world that may not always respect them. I hope this perspective can help guide your interactions with her.


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