As modern parenting presents increasingly complex challenges, many parents are exploring the idea of outsourcing certain demanding responsibilities. It’s now possible to hire professionals for tasks like potty training or addressing thumb-sucking issues. This led me to reflect on the parenting duties I would gladly delegate if given the chance. Here are my top picks:
- Tying Shoelaces: The simple act of tying shoelaces can be deceptively complicated. Despite trying various methods, including the “bunny ears” technique, my child often ends up in a tangle. After purchasing a practice board with a shoe illustration, I realized it was not a substitute for a real-life scenario. The idea of using velcro shoes as an easy way out is laughable; by middle school, children are savvy enough to see through that ruse.
- Teaching Bike Riding: I was unaware that teaching a 5-year-old to ride a bike would require such physical stamina. Even though I’m an avid runner, nothing prepared me for the challenge of balancing a child and a bike while offering encouragement amidst their cries of defeat. When someone mentions completing a triathlon, I proudly state, “I’ve taught two kids to ride bikes.” It’s an instant conversation stopper.
- Sex Education: Often, this topic gets inadvertently outsourced to peers on the school bus. Recently, my 4th grader returned home claiming to be fully informed by neighborhood boys. Initially horrified, I realized I should probably review the material they covered, especially given the inaccuracies. It turns out, kids don’t always get it right—thanks for nothing, Timmy from next door.
- Learning to Tell Time: With the prevalence of digital clocks, I wonder if teaching how to read analog clocks is still crucial. Yet, it remains a vital skill for those rare instances when one might find themselves without technology. Our attempts to learn this skill often lead to confusion, with my child mixing up quarters of time and money, leading to the inevitable pie discussion.
- Waiting in Lines: This particularly applies to lengthy wait times at amusement parks. The purpose of these lines often feels trivial, especially when waiting for an autograph from someone dressed as a cartoon character. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could have stand-ins while we enjoy a drink at the park?
- Using a Steak Knife: Teaching children to handle sharp utensils is nerve-wracking. I sometimes think it might be safer if they learned to eat like Fred Flintstone, but that’s just a joke (mostly). The potential risks involved with teaching this skill make me consider whether outsourcing is a better option.
- Reviewing Math Facts: It feels as though I’ve been reinforcing math facts for an eternity, and we only have two children. A typical study session involves repeated attempts to clarify concepts, often ending in frustration. Just when they grasp one aspect, it’s time to review it in reverse, leading to a cycle of confusion.
- Swimming Lessons: My attempts to teach my kids to swim often resemble a chaotic performance. Between instructing them to coordinate their limbs and hold their breath, it feels like a scene from an aquatic dance show. The challenges of getting through to them when they’re submerged can be quite overwhelming.
And one duty I would definitely outsource…
- Driving Instruction: While driver’s education classes exist, I dread the idea of sitting in the passenger seat while my teenager learns to operate a vehicle. Handing this responsibility over to my partner seems much safer. Let me know when you’ve managed to navigate rush hour without texting me a photo (but not while driving!).
Ultimately, while every milestone in childhood is precious, I often wish we could outsource the physical strains that accompany these tasks, such as sore backs and headaches. However, I do cherish the memories we create together through these experiences.
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Summary: Modern parents often find themselves overwhelmed by various tasks, leading to the consideration of outsourcing some parenting duties, including shoelace tying, bike riding instruction, and even driving lessons. While these challenges can be exhausting, the joy of witnessing children’s milestones makes the effort worthwhile.
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