Among the many consequences of the Covid lockdown, one unexpected outcome was the opportunity for self-discovery, whether we welcomed it or not. Introverts found themselves questioning the difference between choosing solitude and being forced into it by a pandemic, while extroverts had to grapple with life without social gatherings. Ambiverts? We simply navigated through the chaos, already familiar with our mixed tendencies but trying to comprehend them in this new normal.
This was a prime moment for many to reflect on how we operate within our relationships, often standing just inches apart for seemingly endless stretches of time. We adapted to the new pandemic lifestyle: wearing loungewear, relying on frozen meals (with grocery runs limited to essentials like hand sanitizer and toilet paper), and getting far too acquainted with each other’s natural scents. Many found themselves in close quarters with their partners—sometimes overly attentive or, at times, completely overwhelming. It was a real test; if you were unaware of your relationship’s challenges before, the pandemic surely thrust them into the spotlight.
According to a survey by the UK charity Relate, nearly a quarter of participants reported that lockdown intensified pressures on their relationships, with many finding their partners more irritating than ever. Small quirks that were once tolerable became sources of conflict—whether it was inappropriate flossing in the living room or incessant whistling of a catchy jingle. These annoyances could easily lead to frustration in the confined space of a home.
Experts have identified key issues that typically strain relationships, such as financial stress, boredom, parenting disputes, and household responsibilities. The lockdown magnified these challenges, transforming homes into microcosms of a world filled with insecurities and unanswered questions. Concerns about finances, health, vaccinations, and social lives became daily stressors.
While many relationships deteriorated during this time, others emerged stronger. Elizabeth Carter, a family lawyer based in Atlanta and president of the American Academy of Family Attorneys, noted an uptick in her workload as the pandemic continued. Conversely, Dr. Marni Feuerman, a psychotherapist, observed that couples who had a solid foundation before the pandemic often navigated these challenges more effectively, using their relationship as a source of support during tough times.
However, even couples with a strong history likely faced new hurdles. Lara Mitchell, a contributor at Bustle, points out that independent individuals often engage in activities that nurture their relationships while allowing for personal space—they spend time alone, socialize with others, and allow their partners to pursue their own interests.
So how does this approach fit into the chaotic environment of the Covid era? With partners constantly in close proximity, it felt impossible to find solitude. How could you engage in personal activities without feeling smothered? The concept of “parallel play” became essential for many couples during this time.
In essence, parallel play refers to a mode where individuals engage in activities near one another without direct interaction, often seen in children. However, this concept can be adapted for adults living together in a chaotic world. Imagine two partners on opposite ends of the couch—one engrossed in a series while the other works on a puzzle. They’re together but not necessarily interacting, creating a sense of companionship without the pressure of constant engagement.
Dr. Lisa Jordan, a psychiatrist at Green Valley University, explains why this method is effective: “During Covid, we couldn’t escape our household companions as frequently. While alone time is valuable, ‘being together without interacting’ can provide comfort and prevent us from feeling overwhelmed by constant presence.”
While we hope to avoid the unprecedented challenges posed by Covid, these experiences have offered many couples new insights into maintaining a healthy relationship. It’s important to carry forward the lessons learned about finding balance in togetherness and independence. Parallel play can foster a sense of connection without the need for constant interaction.
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Summary:
Embracing the concept of “parallel play” can significantly enhance relationships, particularly during challenging times like the Covid pandemic. By allowing partners to engage in activities side-by-side without direct interaction, couples can foster connection while maintaining personal space. This approach can help navigate the complexities of living closely with a partner, ensuring that both individuals feel supported yet independent.
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