Right before tying the knot, I had a conversation with the mother of a close friend. She recounted how her parents, shaped by their experiences during the Great Depression, were always extremely frugal, leading her to believe they were financially limited.
When her grandmother passed away, her grandfather discovered over fifty thousand dollars hidden in various places around the house—inside empty cereal boxes, between mattress layers, and even in the freezer. Her grandmother, a stay-at-home mom who occasionally earned extra income by baking, had never disclosed her side earnings to her husband, who was oblivious to the financial cushion she had built.
This story resonated with me. My friend’s mother believed her mother had saved for emergencies, particularly for the day she might want to leave her husband. She constantly advised me to ensure I had my own finances, but I initially dismissed it, thinking my friend’s grandmother simply wished for financial independence she never had.
Another friend shared a similar tale: her mother managed the household bills while her husband worked, but she secretly hid cash and charged her purchases to credit cards that he never checked. Many women feel trapped in their marriages due to financial dependency, lacking the means to support themselves if needed.
My own mother recounted these stories, feeling the same way, which contributed to her lengthy marriage. When I got married, I ignored this sage advice and placed all my trust in my husband. We agreed I would stay home while he earned the income, but I neglected to consider what would happen if our marriage faltered.
During our marriage, I never earned a cent of my own, sharing a checking account without contemplation of the future. Even though my name was on our home and accounts, I was financially dependent. After realizing my marriage might be ending, I encountered a story about a woman who had relied solely on her husband for financial security. Once she began to earn and save her own money, her confidence blossomed, ultimately leading to her leaving the marriage for a new life.
At that moment, I felt overwhelmed by the prospect of becoming financially independent after so long. I thought it would be easier to stick with my marriage, but deep down, I knew I had to take control of my finances.
Starting to save for yourself is a privilege not everyone can afford. It doesn’t have to be solely about preparing for a potential separation; it can simply be about self-empowerment. You can begin small, without needing to be consistent. Having your own financial resources to fall back on is like having insurance for your future.
It’s crucial to be aware of your household finances. I’ve spoken with many women who are unaware of their financial situation. Having a personal stash doesn’t mean hiding money or deceiving your partner; it’s about understanding your finances and being involved in the planning.
You can save spare change, open a savings account, or ask loved ones for contributions toward your fund. I began working from home, selling unused clothes, budgeting, and gradually building my savings.
I firmly believe that everyone, especially married women, should have their own finances. I recall a friend who was a full-time nursing student with two young children when her husband left her, closing shared credit cards and forcing her to sell their home. Thankfully, her parents helped her, but not everyone has that support.
When my marriage ended, I had to figure out how to support myself and secure a home. If I had been saving for myself all along, I would have felt more confident and prepared. I started my financial journey only when my marriage was ending, and juggling both was incredibly challenging.
Joint accounts and shared income can work, but it’s essential to be aware of your financial situation. If possible, set aside funds that are just for you. It can serve as your empowerment fund, rather than merely a divorce safety net. Life is unpredictable; I never anticipated my divorce or the need to earn an income again. It’s wiser to prepare and save when times are good than to scramble when challenges arise.
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In summary, having your own finances while married is essential for personal empowerment and security. It allows you to navigate life’s uncertainties with confidence. Taking small steps toward financial independence can make a significant difference in your life.
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