I’ve always leaned towards being an introvert. I cherish my alone time, have a tendency towards social anxiety, and can easily feel drained by crowds and overwhelming environments. However, the pandemic has amplified these traits to an extreme level. I genuinely feel like I’ve forgotten how to interact with people.
Let me paint a picture for you. During conversations, I often find myself rambling, only to later cringe at what I’ve said. I think, “What were you even talking about? They probably think you’re annoying and dull.” This self-doubt doesn’t just surface with acquaintances; it also happens with my close friends.
Engaging in basic exchanges has become a challenge. When someone asks, “How are you?” I’m at a loss. Should I confess that I’m feeling drained from pandemic fatigue and the weight of the world on my shoulders? Or should I express my gratitude for my family’s safety, which is also overwhelming? Most days, I feel a confusing blend of loneliness, frustration, gratitude, fear, and exhaustion.
After a long pause filled with uncertainty, I usually default to, “I’m fine, how about you?” Then I immediately regret my response, worrying I may have shared too much or too little, or that I didn’t smile enough—or maybe I smiled too much. It’s utterly exhausting.
There are several reasons why socializing has become difficult for me. My tolerance for superficial conversations has plummeted; I’ve become more selective about who I spend my time with. The past couple of years have forced me to reevaluate my relationships, leading to a clearer understanding of who I want in my life. While some friendships have strengthened during these times, others have faded away. I’ve even reached out to old classmates over shared values, despite not being close in the past. And yes, I’ve unfollowed countless people online.
I’ve taken social distancing seriously, avoiding gatherings, crowded venues, and public events. While I’m comfortable with these choices, they’ve intensified my social anxiety. It feels as if I’ve forgotten how to be a “normal” person.
This awkwardness creates a cycle: I feel uneasy around people, I avoid them, and then I feel even more awkward when I finally do interact. It’s a continuous loop. Though I don’t think it’s necessarily negative that I’ve streamlined my social life, I don’t want to become a recluse, hiding whenever I encounter acquaintances or strangers. I long to engage in conversations without my heart racing or anxieties keeping me awake at night, worrying about perceived social blunders.
I don’t have any magical solutions other than the standard advice to “get back on the horse” and navigate through awkward encounters. We must also allow ourselves some grace and stop worrying so much about our responses. It’s essential to recognize that no one is truly “fine” right now.
To my fellow introverts who are struggling with social interactions, know that you’re not alone. I see you—I am you. And to everyone else, please be patient with us; socializing is a real challenge at the moment. If you want to read more on this topic, check out this interesting post on home insemination and navigating social situations.
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In summary, the pandemic has heightened my social awkwardness, making even simple interactions feel daunting. As I navigate this new social landscape, I realize that many share these struggles. With patience and understanding, I hope to re-learn the art of conversation and connection.
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