When the pandemic unfolded last March, my partner, Alex, began working from home while I was already accustomed to remote work. Suddenly, we found ourselves in close quarters every single day. Alex attempted to create a makeshift office in our closet, but the kids continuously interrupted him with questions or requests. Eventually, he ended up working half of his day at the dining table, which thrust our parenting roles into the spotlight—there was no turning back.
With our children learning online and both of us juggling remote jobs, our parenting styles became glaringly apparent. I had typically managed the household during the day, while Alex would step in after his workday ended around six. We had established a rhythm—until everything changed. The pandemic transformed our approach to parenting.
I’ve noticed that many parents operate with differing methods, especially if there’s another parent involved. Our own styles are heavily influenced by our upbringing. Personally, I tend to be the stricter one, often adopting a “my way or the highway” mentality. In contrast, Alex embodies the role of the fun parent, always ready to drop everything for a game of football, listen to the kids’ lengthy tales about Halloween costumes, or help craft the ideal peanut butter and jelly sandwich—cut exactly to their liking.
As our family of six spent more time together, our parenting weaknesses became more evident. I often felt frustrated by how easily Alex was distracted, giving in to our kids’ whims. He, on the other hand, believed I needed to lighten up. I operate under the assumption that there’s a hierarchy in parenting, and I’m at the top, while Alex is more inclined toward compromise and dialogue. I’m not one to negotiate, but with him, every issue is open for discussion.
The pandemic erased the boundaries between school life, extracurricular activities, and home life. Everything blurred together—learning, playing, eating, and chores—all under our supervision. Co-managing this chaotic environment proved to be a challenge, especially given our differing parenting styles.
Over the past year and a half—which feels like an eternity—we’ve had to adapt our parenting techniques. The number of family meetings we’ve held after disputes has multiplied, whether it was over something as trivial as sharing an iPad charger or more serious matters like honesty and sibling rivalry. There were even moments when one or two kids dramatically threatened to run away.
In many ways, we learned to be more flexible. Yes, it was infuriating when the kids wouldn’t put their dirty dishes in the sink or left clean laundry piled up on their bedroom floors. One child even called for help instead of replacing the toilet paper. A constant stream of new issues arose, but they weren’t critical to our well-being. We learned to take deep breaths and pick our battles wisely.
Being the organized type, I decided I could no longer tolerate the chaos that came with managing everything from home. I implemented a system—charts, many charts. Each child received a daily to-do list that included music practice, schoolwork, virtual lessons, and chores. I even created a meal and snack schedule, as it felt like the kids were perpetually circling the pantry like sharks.
The kids rebelled. When I tried to impose structure, they turned to their dad, requesting extra snacks, assistance with school projects during his work hours, and more. Alex often caved, which drove me to the brink. Children thrive on order, and they need to know what to expect. We needed to be a united front—a cohesive team—so we wouldn’t get outmaneuvered by our youngest.
Watching Alex patiently assist our daughter with her tangled earbud cords for drum practice made me recognize that while I excel at organizing, I needed to see our kids as more than just tasks on a list. Alex is good at prioritizing relationships and connections with them, which is something I admire. I’m pleased to say I’ve managed to slow down and spend more quality time with each child, engaging in meaningful conversations and play.
Our differing parenting approaches have helped establish a better balance, especially now that we’re eighteen months into this pandemic. Although we’re both still working from home, thankfully, three of our kids have resumed in-person schooling. At least we’re not juggling the roles of teacher and parent anymore—parenting itself is already a full-time job.
Our children are at four different developmental stages, which complicates matters further. One child insists that everything should be fair, and we’ve had to explain that fairness doesn’t equate to equal treatment—twelve-year-olds can’t be treated like eight-year-olds, for instance. With privileges come responsibilities, and Alex and I have learned to support each other. We discuss issues privately before addressing them with the kids, presenting a united front rather than acting like adversaries.
Pandemic parenting has compelled us to collaborate more closely while also confronting long-standing issues. In the past, we might have sidestepped discussions about our differing styles, but we can no longer afford that luxury with constant parenting demands. Our differences can be beneficial, but at times, we need to align our strategies for the sake of our family’s peace.
Don’t misunderstand me—our challenges aren’t magically resolved. One child still forgets to restock the toilet paper, lies are still told, and arguments still erupt daily. This phase of our lives feels like an ongoing parenting experiment, but hopefully, it’s making us better parents.
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In summary, the pandemic has fundamentally altered our parenting dynamics, prompting necessary reflections and adaptations. Despite ongoing challenges, this experience is shaping us into more mindful and balanced parents.
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