Just before I tied the knot, I had a conversation with the mother of a dear friend. She shared a story about her parents, who lived through the Great Depression and were always careful with their money. To her surprise, when her grandmother passed away, her grandfather discovered over fifty thousand dollars stashed away in various places around the house—hidden in cereal boxes, between the mattress and box spring, and even in the freezer.
Her grandmother had been a stay-at-home mom who occasionally baked for events, and her husband never questioned the small amounts of money she made. She dedicated herself to caring for him, and as a result, he was oblivious to her hidden savings until he had to manage on his own. The mother always believed that her mother was saving for an emergency, perhaps to escape a marriage she was unhappy in. “Make sure you have your own money,” she would advise me, and I understood it was her way of protecting me from repeating her mistakes.
Another friend described her mother as the one who managed the household bills while her husband worked. She would take the cash he provided for shopping, conceal her purchases, and pay with the credit card so he wouldn’t see the bills. This narrative is not uncommon; many women feel trapped in their marriages due to financial dependency, lacking their own income or the confidence to earn.
My own mother shared similar experiences, which influenced her lengthy stay in her marriage. However, when I got married, I disregarded these warnings and placed all my trust in my husband, who was the primary breadwinner while I focused on our home.
It wasn’t until I faced divorce that I realized I had not saved a single dollar for myself. We shared a bank account, and though my name was on our house and the checking accounts, I hadn’t earned an income in over thirteen years. I came across a story about a woman who was entirely dependent on her husband for financial security. Despite her unhappiness, she stayed with him until she took charge of her finances, which ultimately led to her newfound happiness and independence, culminating in the end of her marriage.
Initially, I thought it would be too challenging to break free from financial dependence. However, it became clear that I had to take control of my finances. I recognize that building a personal savings account is a privilege not everyone can afford, and it doesn’t have to be a fund for a potential break-up. What matters is having a safety net to fall back on, as life can be unpredictable.
Start small. Familiarize yourself with your household finances, even if it’s just tracking what comes in and out each month. Your personal savings doesn’t need to be vast or hidden; it’s about being aware of your financial situation and having a plan. You could save coins, open a personal savings account, or ask for contributions from friends and family to help you build your fund.
I began working from home whenever possible, sold clothes I no longer wore, and gradually started budgeting, which allowed my savings to grow. It’s crucial for everyone, especially married women, to have financial independence.
A friend of mine, who was juggling nursing school and two small children, faced a devastating situation when her husband left her without any financial resources. She had to sell their house, which was not in her name, and figure things out alone. Thankfully, her parents could help her out, but not everyone is so fortunate.
When my marriage ended, I had to scramble to create a life for myself, and I often thought about how different things could have been if I had saved money for myself all along. I would have felt more empowered and secure. It’s important to be prepared for life’s uncertainties; having your own money to fall back on is essential for your peace of mind.
Joint accounts and shared finances can work, but ensure you are aware of your household’s financial situation. If possible, carve out a portion that belongs solely to you. This isn’t just about preparing for a potential separation; it’s about empowering yourself. I never expected to be divorced or to need to earn an income again, but life has a way of surprising you. It’s wise to be proactive and save when times are good rather than scrambling when faced with challenges.
For more insights on financial independence and related topics, check out this blog post here or explore resources like Make A Mom’s fertility journey guide and Johns Hopkins Fertility Center for valuable information.
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In summary, establishing your own financial security while married is critical for personal empowerment and confidence. It prepares you for the unexpected and ensures you have the means to navigate life’s challenges, enhancing your overall well-being.
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