As someone who has always leaned towards introversion, I’ve cherished my solitude. Social anxiety has been a part of my life, and I often find myself drained by too much social interaction or overwhelming environments. However, the pandemic has taken my quirks and amplified them significantly. I feel like I’ve completely forgotten how to interact with others.
Picture this: I nervously babble through conversations, only to later replay them in my mind and think, “What were you even talking about? Did I just embarrass myself?” I wonder if my friends see me as boring or awkward. And when it comes to chatting with acquaintances? It’s a whole new level of discomfort.
Even basic exchanges like “How are you?” leave me floundering. Should I confess to feeling exhausted and fatigued by the pandemic? Or should I express gratitude for my family’s safety, even if I’m struggling emotionally? Most days, my feelings are a chaotic mix of loneliness, frustration, gratitude, and fear.
After a long pause filled with uncertainty, I usually default to a simple, “I’m fine, how are you?” And immediately, I regret it, worrying about whether I said too much or not enough, or if my smile was too forced. The whole process is utterly draining.
There are a few reasons for my social struggles these days. For one, my tolerance for trivial conversations has plummeted. I’ve become more selective about my company and how I spend my time. The last couple of years have seen me reevaluate my friendships; some have strengthened, while others faded. I’ve reconnected with old acquaintances who share my values, even if we weren’t close before. I’ve also cut ties with many others.
I’ve taken social distancing seriously, avoiding gatherings and crowded places, which is fine by me but has worsened my social anxiety. I often feel as if I’ve forgotten how to socialize altogether. This has created a cycle of awkwardness: feeling uncomfortable around others leads to avoidance, which in turn makes future encounters even more awkward.
While I don’t believe it’s necessarily negative that I’ve streamlined my social life, I don’t want to become a recluse who hides from every interaction. I want to engage in conversations without panicking about past faux pas or feeling my heart race at the thought of social encounters.
The best advice I’ve come across is simply to “get back on the horse,” even if it feels easier said than done. We need to allow ourselves to be imperfect and maybe even stop with the “I’m fine” responses—because honestly, no one is truly “fine” at the moment.
To my fellow introverts battling social anxiety, just know you’re not alone. I see you, and I understand your struggle. And for those who are more socially comfortable, please be patient with us; navigating social situations is particularly challenging right now.
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