I never imagined I’d say this, but I find myself missing the experience of being pregnant. My third child was delivered via c-section, and during the procedure, my doctor made the decision to close things up for good. My husband and I are firmly D-O-N-E when it comes to expanding our family; we have no desire to welcome any more children, either together or apart. I have no intention of going through pregnancy again. Our days of creating new life are behind us.
Initially, when my last baby was just a tiny newborn, I felt relieved that I wouldn’t have to endure pregnancy again. While my previous pregnancies were generally uncomplicated, the last one took a toll on me, not to mention the unforgettable experience of dealing with massive hemorrhoids during my final trimester. I definitely don’t want to relive that trauma.
Fast forward to now, and my baby is almost two years old. And while I still have zero interest in having more kids (three feels like one too many some days), I can’t help but feel nostalgic about being pregnant.
I’ve been pregnant five times. Two ended in early loss, but I successfully carried three healthy babies to term. From the moment I knew I was expecting, I sang to my little ones. My shortest pregnancy lasted just seven weeks, while my longest was thirty-eight weeks. Regardless of the duration, I cherished the quiet moments when I would hum lullabies in the stillness, dreaming of the life growing inside me.
The journey to becoming a parent wasn’t easy for me, so I find myself feeling a bit wistful. I’ll never get to experience that magical moment again when I nervously take a pregnancy test, only to be surprised by two vivid pink lines. There won’t be any more early ultrasounds, revealing those tiny flickering heartbeats. We won’t compile lists of names for future children, as our family is complete.
It’s hard to fathom that I’ll never feel those gentle flutters of a second-trimester baby, or the strong kicks of an almost-ready-to-enter-the-world little one. I’ll miss dreaming about who would come next and what traits they might inherit. Now, I know none of my children will have my husband’s blue eyes or my dark hair.
If my life had taken a different path, I would have loved to carry a baby for someone else. I found my pregnancies relatively easy, and emotionally, I believe I would have made a great surrogate. However, it wasn’t meant to be. After two losses and my struggles with PCOS, I finally welcomed my third child at thirty-five. Surrogacy, unfortunately, isn’t an option for me.
I am deeply grateful for the pregnancies I experienced and the three beautiful children I have. There were times I didn’t know if I would ever be able to carry a child, so the fact that I was able to bring three healthy babies into the world feels miraculous. I cherish the moments I shared with my husband in creating our family.
I realize that for many people who desperately wish to be pregnant but can’t, my longing may seem trivial. And that’s okay. Each person’s journey is unique, and I understand the complexities of emotions involved in this conversation. I’m not claiming that my feelings compare to those who face infertility.
What I’m saying is that I miss the experience of being pregnant because it was such a significant part of my life. I treasure the time spent nurturing my children within me, but there’s a hint of sadness intertwined with my joyful memories. It’s a bittersweet feeling, similar to the nostalgia I have for my wedding day or cherished moments with loved ones who have passed. I feel blessed to have those memories, yet there’s a part of me that wishes I could relive that happiness.
Letting go of the idea of being pregnant again is challenging. I miss all those emotions that came with carrying a child. It’s a blend of sorrow and joy that motherhood has brought me, and that’s perfectly okay.
For more insights, check out this other blog post. You can also find excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination at the CDC.
If you’re navigating the journey of parenthood, consider exploring fertility boosters for men from Make A Mom.
Here are some related queries you might find helpful:
- Home insemination kits
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Summary: This article reflects on the bittersweet feelings of missing pregnancy while being content with a complete family. It discusses the emotional experiences of parenthood, the challenges faced in conceiving, and the nostalgia tied to the journey of carrying children.
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