By: Taylor Morgan
Updated: Oct. 10, 2021
Originally Published: Oct. 10, 2021
For me, drifting off to sleep and staying that way feels like an uphill battle. I find myself staring at the glowing stars on the ceiling that my kids insist on keeping lit until they fall asleep. Once they’re out, I switch off the twinkling lights and attempt to doze off, but I often fail. Like the children’s book says, I remind myself to “Go the F**k to Sleep.” Insomnia has struck again.
By the fourth night of this sleeplessness, I’m so worn out that I finally give in and take a Xanax. It provides some relief, but relying on it is not a path I want to follow.
Like many mothers, my struggle with insomnia started during pregnancy. I tossed and turned with my growing belly, trying to find comfort while expecting multiples. In those early months filled with hourly feedings and gas pains, I managed quite well. Now that my daughters are older, my sleep is disturbed not just by nightmares or bathroom trips but also by insomnia.
According to the Office of Women’s Health, one in four women experiences insomnia. Primary insomnia is a sleep disorder that can be diagnosed by a doctor, who will first check for any underlying medical issues. There’s also secondary insomnia, which occurs alongside other health conditions like depression, anxiety, PTSD, and more. Those with insomnia are significantly more likely to struggle with these mental health issues, and I’ve been diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety—hence my use of Xanax.
The Sleep Foundation suggests that “older adults”—which I guess I fall into, being in the 26 to 64 age range—need seven to nine hours of sleep each night. Approaching forty, research shows that women in this age group experience chronic insomnia more frequently than men.
I usually crawl into bed by 10:00 p.m. after binge-watching “Schitt’s Creek,” and sometimes, I’m ready for sleep even earlier, around 9:45 p.m. My partner and I typically go to bed together, but once her head hits the pillow, she starts snoring. Could she be the culprit behind my sleeplessness? Not really; I’ve learned to drown her out with our white noise machine. Strangely, I can’t identify a specific worry or thought keeping me up. Nothing seems to stand out.
After kissing my daughters goodnight and saying my prayers, I focus on gratitude for all the positives in my life—my kids, my job stability, and so much more. I try to center myself and release the stress of the day.
I toss and turn, hoping that changing my position from left to right will magically help me fall asleep, but nothing seems to work. I try counting backward from ten. Nope, that doesn’t help either.
Perhaps it’s the dread of what the night holds. I know our youngest will likely come to our bed, complaining that her mattress isn’t comfortable. Before I know it, I’ll find myself snuggled up under her unicorn blanket, feeling disoriented, as if I have a hangover.
That’s how insomnia feels after too long: like a brutal hangover. In the quiet of the night, my “drug of choice” becomes creating a mental to-do list of home projects I want to tackle—how to decorate, what’s cost-effective, and how long each task will take. Soon, I’m lost in a Pinterest rabbit hole, but within seconds, I remind myself that I have no budget for these ideas, and late-night window shopping isn’t solving anything.
To help me sleep, I sometimes resort to Xanax. I’m careful not to overdo it, as both my parents struggled with addiction, and I don’t want to tread that dangerous path. I usually try to endure up to four nights without solid sleep before I consider taking a Xanax. Other times, I explore different methods to calm my mind and body: meditation, cutting back on coffee, taking a day off work, or disconnecting from the internet. I know there are various approaches that can work, but I wish I could find a consistent solution.
If you’re interested in more about home insemination, check out one of our other blog posts here. For those looking into artificial insemination options, Cryobaby’s kit is a great resource. Additionally, for insightful information on the IVF process, visit this article.
Search Queries:
- home insemination kit
- self insemination methods
- insomnia solutions for mothers
- natural sleep aids
- home projects for parents
Summary:
Insomnia can be a relentless foe, especially for mothers juggling family and personal stress. From nighttime rituals to the struggle of finding effective sleep solutions, many women face similar battles with sleep. Understanding insomnia’s effects, especially in relation to mental health, is crucial for finding ways to cope.
Leave a Reply