As someone who has spent the last 12 years as a stay-at-home mom and work-at-home parent, I can personally vouch for the immense difficulties this lifestyle presents. Am I grateful to have this choice? Definitely. I understand that countless parents do not have the luxury of choosing between being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) and working outside the home. I was fortunate to make this decision when my first child arrived, and I don’t regret it. With my husband often away for work, my presence at home provides our kids with the stability they need. They know they can rely on one parent being there for them, and that’s how our family operates.
However, the reality of being a SAHM has proven to be far tougher than I ever anticipated. The loneliness was unexpected. The isolation hit hard. I wasn’t ready for the sadness that followed my departure from my career. I found myself engulfed in a sense of despair as I faced endless days filled with breastfeeding, changing diapers, and wiping down sticky surfaces—day in and day out, it felt like an unending cycle.
Moreover, the isolation, loneliness, and sadness took a toll on my marriage, leading to feelings of resentment towards my husband. He gets to step out into the world daily, dress in clean clothes, engage with colleagues over lunch, and receive recognition for his work—freedoms I often long for. This disparity strained our relationship for a long time.
It’s crucial that we openly discuss the challenges of SAHM life and acknowledge that some mothers truly struggle. This acknowledgment doesn’t diminish the hardships faced by working moms—because they have their own battles to fight—but the experience of being a SAHM is uniquely challenging, and those in this role need support, understanding, and reassurance that they are not alone.
To the dad at the bus stop with five kids, who shamelessly leans on SAHMs for childcare while you take work calls and ignore their efforts: shame on you.
Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Mom
Confession #1: My husband works from home while I manage everything as a SAHM. One day, while I was finally able to relax on the couch with our 4-year-old watching a show, he asked, “What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be cleaning or something?” WHY do men say these things? Seriously!
Confession #2: I feel like crying but I can’t. My husband tells me to stop, yet he won’t comfort me, so I keep it all in. This is why I’ve gained weight. If only I could get some medication, I might feel better, but he discourages that. Such is SAHM life, right?
Confession #3: After 12 years of marriage, six of which included kids, I’ve never been told by my spouse to sleep in while he makes breakfast. It’s those small gestures that erode my love for him over time.
Confession #4: If you’re a partner to a SAHM, make sure she feels appreciated, not taken for granted. Encourage her to take time for herself. Let her sleep in on weekends. If she finally gets out alone, don’t call her. Be supportive, not a jerk.
Confession #5: I’m a SAHM who decided to go back to school. I have zero help with the baby and no daycare yet, so I’m with him 24/7. I squeeze in recorded lessons during nap time and study at night, functioning on just five hours of sleep. My husband claims he’s tired, yet he “works” only 3-4 hours a day.
Confession #6: My biggest regret as a SAHM is not planning for my career after the kids grew older. One day, my husband might say that if I disappeared, it wouldn’t matter because I don’t financially contribute.
Confession #7: I dread returning to a job I despise, but my husband wants me to stay home. I’m terrified of either hating being a working mom or a SAHM more. What if I can’t find a job again?
Confession #8: If I had financial independence, I’d have more choices. But as a SAHM, I gave up my career. I love spending time with my kids, but now that they’re older, I feel completely dependent on my husband, who is becoming increasingly grumpy. Regret is real.
Confession #9: Many SAHMs put their careers on hold to care for young children, which can greatly affect a woman’s self-worth. It’s tough to find the positives when I know I have a generally good life. I’m exhausted by the mental and verbal abuse from my husband. I feel angry at myself for letting go of my career to fit the ideal of a good wife and mother. My kids are fine, but I’m just sad.
Confession #10: My husband is selfish in bed and rarely considers my needs. I feel trapped because if I cut him off, he might seek comfort elsewhere, which would only make things worse for me as a SAHM with no income.
As a SAHM, many of us might feel stuck, especially when we’ve traded our careers for family life. After working until my oldest was six, I’ve found being a SAHM to be significantly harder. The relentless work combined with almost no adult interaction outside the home is overwhelming.
Confession #11: I’m embarrassed to admit that returning to work after 12 years as a SAHM feels easier than staying home due to my struggles with parenting and managing household chaos.
Confession #12: I went back to work after nine years as a SAHM, and honestly, it’s been a relief.
Confession #13: I had no idea it would be this challenging to be a SAHM.
Confession #14: I thought I was failing as a SAHM until I started antidepressants and the kids began school for the first time in 12 years. It turns out that being home with kids nonstop just isn’t for me. I was burnt out, feeling isolated and depressed.
The reality for many mothers is that being a stay-at-home mom can be absolutely exhausting. While some women thrive in this role and embrace it wholeheartedly, many of us feel overwhelmed. We find ourselves staring at the clock in the morning, wondering how we’ll make it through another day of playing with toys, doing crafts, and reminding little ones to use the toilet instead of the rug. The motivation to shower often disappears—what’s the point? Meanwhile, our partners are out in the world, mingling with other adults, while we’re stuck at home, sometimes with crusty spit-up in our hair.
If you’re a SAHM reading this, know that I understand your struggles. You are an absolute warrior, and no matter what, you remain beautiful—spit-up included. Don’t forget that.
For more insights, check out this other blog post that covers related experiences.
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In summary, being a stay-at-home mom is a complex journey filled with challenges that often go unspoken. Many mothers face feelings of isolation and resentment while struggling to maintain their sense of identity. It’s important to acknowledge these experiences, support one another, and ensure that every mom knows she is not alone in her journey.
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