I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the Facebook post. Is this real? Maybe it was a prank from her kids who got hold of her phone. An old acquaintance from high school had just shared a photo of an adorable, squishy newborn with the caption, “And now we have two grandbabies!” Two grandbabies. I’m 42 years old, and she was just a year behind me in school. How is this even possible?
Growing up in a small rural community, it’s not unusual for people to settle down and start families at a young age. At our 20-year high school reunion, a handful of my classmates—out of our graduating class of 39—already had teenagers. I had never fully grasped the natural progression of life: high schoolers grow up, become adults, and then have children.
But none of my close friends are anywhere near grandparenthood. I have a tight-knit group of friends from my hometown who I’ve known since kindergarten. Even those who had children “early” were only 24 or 25. It feels bizarre that their oldest kids are now on the brink of graduating high school. I vividly recall their baby showers, thinking, “You’re about to have a baby; I don’t even own a plant!” The idea of receiving an invitation for the next generation seems surreal.
After leaving the farm for a more progressive liberal arts college, my social media feed is filled with friends who recently became parents themselves. The culture at my college emphasized pursuing advanced degrees rather than starting families, with most people marrying in their 30s and having kids even later. Off the top of my head, I can think of four college friends who are still in the diaper stage.
And then there’s my former high school softball teammate who is now a grandmother—twice over.
I jumped onto our sporadic group chat with my hometown friends to share the news. “Wow. I think her husband is older, maybe?” suggested Sarah, trying to rationalize the shocking update. For a moment, that made me feel better. If she married an older partner, perhaps he wanted kids right away. That doesn’t mean the rest of us are old enough for grandkids, right?
But we were just fooling ourselves. If she had a baby at 20, it’s entirely feasible that her child could be having kids now. The math checks out.
Despite my youngest being eight, I sometimes feel like having another baby wouldn’t be that strange. My husband’s reaction to such thoughts is a mix of horror and disbelief, which tells me he’s not on board with the idea. Deep down, I know I don’t truly want to start over with a baby. I adore the cuddly newborn stage, but I also relish this parenting phase where I can say, “Go back to bed; it’s not morning yet,” or “You can make your own lunch now.” You can’t say that to a two-month-old!
I’d love to hold a baby for a few hours, feed it, and snuggle, but I’m not ready to take on the responsibility for its upbringing for the next 18 years. I’d much prefer to borrow a baby for an afternoon and then return it to its mother.
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Search queries:
- How to handle unexpected pregnancy at an older age
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- Understanding the stages of parenthood
- Coping with changes in friendships after kids
- Finding joy in grandparenthood while being a young parent
In summary, the realization that peers are becoming grandparents can be a jarring experience. It evokes feelings of nostalgia and contemplation about one’s own life choices. As I navigate my current parenting phase, I appreciate the freedom and independence that comes with having older children. While the idea of a newborn may seem appealing temporarily, the responsibilities of parenting for the long haul are daunting.
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