When my daughter, Lila, reached the age of two, she began to resemble a charming version of her father, and with that transformation came an undeniable beauty. Her hair naturally falls into a lovely, slightly uneven part, with her roots showing a darker shade while the ends still boast those adorable baby curls. As her parent, I often find myself overcome with affection for her, to the point where it’s almost instinctual to want to shower her with love in the most exaggerated ways—though I refrain, of course, from the more extreme expressions of that affection.
I believe many parents feel this intense love for their young ones, who are inherently designed to be utterly endearing. Even during those challenging moments—like when they throw tantrums over trivial matters or when they seemingly rebel against your choices—we instinctively wish to protect and preserve these precious beings. It’s as if we want to shield them from the world and its harsh realities.
While it’s easy to acknowledge that all children are beautiful in their own right, I find myself grappling with how to discuss beauty, particularly when it comes to my daughter. With my son, I could effortlessly call him my “handsome little guy” without much thought. However, with Lila, I hesitate. When I tell her, “You are so beautiful!” I often feel compelled to follow it with, “And you’re funny… and smart! Those traits are important too!”
My discomfort stems from our culture’s longstanding tendency to objectify women from an early age. We see it in the toys marketed to young girls, the emphasis on physical appearance, and the obsession with princesses and beauty standards. This societal pressure can distort the perception of beauty, making it seem like the only thing that matters. As I reflect on this, the idea of beauty becomes less appealing.
One reason I want to balance beauty with other attributes is that beauty alone often feels unfulfilling. While I appreciate beauty, I value complexity and character far more. Attributes like humor, creativity, and intelligence can be nurtured and developed over time. Unlike beauty, which is often static and based on fleeting standards, these qualities provide depth and enrich our lives. By recognizing and encouraging Lila’s other strengths, I hope to set her on a path where she finds fulfillment in being interesting and kind rather than just beautiful.
Moreover, I recognize that conventional beauty is transient. While intelligence and humor can last a lifetime, youth inevitably fades. Observing the extremes some people go to, from cosmetic procedures to anti-aging treatments, prompts me to reconsider what beauty truly means. The most beautiful individuals I know are often those who have embraced their wrinkles as a sign of wisdom and life well-lived.
Kindness stands out to me as a profound quality that is cultivated rather than innate. While beauty can be natural, kindness requires conscious effort and decision-making. It’s a trait that knows no limits—something everyone can strive for and achieve. As the author Roald Dahl wisely noted, kindness is a paramount attribute in humanity, surpassing even bravery and generosity.
Additionally, I want Lila to exude confidence, as it significantly improves quality of life. I recall how my grandfather would affectionately call me “beautiful,” instilling a sense of self-worth that remained intact, even during awkward phases of adolescence.
Currently, my approach is straightforward. Lila receives plenty of compliments about her beauty from family and strangers alike, providing her with that affirmation. In fact, she has her own grandfather, who lovingly reminds her of her beauty regularly. So, I’ll focus on nurturing her character by highlighting her intelligence, creativity, and kindness. This way, I hope she will learn to view beauty through a broader lens—one that encompasses values and qualities that can be cherished throughout life.
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In summary, while I acknowledge my daughter’s beauty, I prioritize fostering her character and other qualities that will lead to a fulfilling life. By doing so, I hope to guide her in understanding that true beauty encompasses much more than mere appearance.
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