For a long time, I viewed rainbows as mere weather phenomena. I also believed in fairytales and the existence of good partners and devoted parents living long, fulfilling lives. However, when cancer invaded our lives, specifically my partner’s mind, my perspective shifted drastically.
Throughout our relationship, my partner was my safe haven. I knew that if I ever fell, he would either catch me or cushion my fall. From the start, I recognized how rare and precious that was, something many people spend their lives searching for.
I never feared the depths of despair with him by my side. But after he passed away, I found myself perilously close to rock bottom more often than I cared to admit. This is hardly surprising; navigating life as a young widow and single parent can be overwhelming, especially on the worst days.
During those particularly tough moments, when the sharp edges of despair loom large, my partner sends me a sign—often a rainbow—just when I need it most.
It’s important to clarify that I didn’t simply decide that every rainbow I encountered was a message. Throughout his battle with cancer, rainbows appeared consistently.
The First Significant Encounter
The first significant encounter happened on November 15, 2016—the day we learned the results of his first post-treatment MRI. That afternoon, a vibrant rainbow stretched across our neighborhood. I snapped a photo and texted it to him, declaring it our sign that everything would be okay.
And for that day, it was okay. The MRI results revealed no signs of a returning tumor after his surgery and subsequent treatments. We celebrated, but our joy was short-lived. Just three months later, a new tumor surfaced, and our ordeal began anew—full throttle and relentless.
More Rainbows in Our Lives
Yet, rainbows continued to grace our lives. On July 3, 2017, another MRI unveiled a third tumor. Devastated, we sat together in a restaurant, questioning our strength to fight. As dark clouds loomed and rain poured, the sun burst through, revealing not one, but three rainbows. I told my partner, “This is our sign—three tumors, three rainbows, and we’re done.” He called his mother and shared my words, his voice filled with hope.
Less than a year later, he passed away, not long after those three rainbows illuminated our darkest hour. Despite the presence of rainbows and hope, they weren’t enough to defeat terminal brain cancer.
However, during the twenty months of his fight, rainbows represented our hope. And they continue to do so. On the three-month anniversary of his passing, a rainbow brightened the sky. Another appeared on the six-month mark, and even during significant family moments—like my daughter’s first day at sleepaway camp—rainbows showed up.
Beliefs and Signs
Crucially, I’m not someone who identifies strongly with religion. My beliefs are complicated, especially after witnessing the pain of loss. Yet, I do hold a firm belief in the universe and that it sends signs. I feel my partner’s energy guiding me.
On days when the burden of widowhood felt unbearable, a rainbow would inexplicably grace the cloudless sky, reminding me that I was not alone, that he was still my soft landing.
Some might argue that the rainbows are mere coincidences, perhaps appearing more frequently when I’m searching for them. While that perspective may be reasonable, I embrace the “woo-woo” notions as they provide comfort and a sense of connection to him. I’ll gladly accept the irrational if it means feeling his presence.
Further Insights
For more insights on navigating similar experiences, check out this article about home insemination, which may offer additional support. Additionally, for further understanding of fertility, resources like this one can be quite helpful.
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In summary, my belief in the signs that rainbows represent—messages from my partner during the hardest times—has become my source of strength. Though he is no longer with me, these colorful phenomena remind me that I am not alone in this journey.
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