Last Friday night, I went to bed filled with optimism. I was energized, ready to rise early, tackle household chores, bake cookies for my daughter, and enjoy a hike with my partner and our dog, followed by a couple’s massage.
However, I drifted off to sleep only to wake up drenched in sweat. Unable to fall back asleep, I waited for an hour before getting up to open the window and switch on the fan. Despite it being in the 40s outside and me wearing nothing, I felt like I was on fire.
My partner, Jake, woke up, grabbed an extra blanket, and questioned the necessity of the open window and the fan blasting on me. I explained that I was literally dripping with sweat and emphasized that it was essential. He bundled up and quickly fell back asleep, snoring loudly. Frustrated, I retreated to the sofa after attempting to awaken him once more, only to end up with about three hours of sleep.
When Jake cheerfully greeted the morning, claiming he hadn’t slept well, I couldn’t help but quip, “I guess you snore even when you’re awake.” He looked perplexed, wondering what my issue was. Meanwhile, I felt my hormones plummeting as I wrestled with a whirlwind of emotions.
Questions That Plagued Me
- Why am I so hot?
- Why is my heart racing?
- Why do I feel on the verge of tears?
- What will I do when all my kids leave home?
I needed to check my hormone levels, but my busy schedule with the kids and work left no room for that. To top it off, I was out of lube again. Oh great, I think I’m bleeding. Again.
After a shower to try and decompress, I struggled to fit into my pants, and a pounding headache threatened to split my head open. I felt like crying, and despite my efforts to mask my frustration with makeup, I ended up in tears.
When my daughter asked about making cookies, I snapped at her, only to feel even worse. Jake tried to console me, but he often resorts to toxic positivity regarding my very real mood swings and perimenopausal symptoms, saying things like:
- “It could be worse!”
- “Nothing’s really wrong.”
- “You just need some rest.”
- “If you keep moving, you’ll feel better.”
- “Did you remember to get more lube? You look great!” (Insert stabbing emoji here).
I know I’m not alone in this experience. The other day, I was enjoying sushi with a friend my age who expressed similar frustrations with her teenage kids. “My perimenopausal hormones clash with my teens’ hormones, and my husband thinks he just has to stay out of the way.”
The challenges women face during menstruation and perimenopause are daunting, yet we must navigate them. The physical symptoms—bleeding, night sweats, fatigue, and mood swings—are undeniable. I think men struggle to grasp the magnitude of this experience because they can’t see it. They might complain about going without intimacy for a few weeks, using that as an excuse for irritability, but fail to comprehend the hormonal rollercoaster women endure, a struggle that has existed throughout history.
I recognize that I may not always be easy to be around, and this is new territory for me—I’ve never dealt with perimenopause before, so I’m learning to manage it. I want to highlight that this is a genuine issue for couples. If you’re facing similar challenges, know that you’re not alone. If you have solutions, please share. My doctor suggested Vitamin D, adequate sleep when possible, and valerian root to help ease the symptoms, but there’s still no one-size-fits-all solution for this common struggle.
It’s taking a toll on my relationship, and I want to avoid that at all costs. I’ve decided to work on accepting that Jake doesn’t truly understand what I’m going through since he’s not experiencing it himself. Perhaps if I adjust my expectations (and convert the spare bedroom for him), things will improve.
For more on this topic, you can check out this other blog post.
If you’re looking for expert insights on fertility, Fertility Booster for Men could be valuable. Additionally, WomensHealth.gov is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination information.
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Summary:
Navigating perimenopause can be incredibly challenging, affecting not just the woman experiencing it but also her partner. The physical and emotional symptoms can lead to misunderstandings and strain in relationships. Open communication and understanding are essential, and seeking support from others who are going through similar experiences can be helpful. Taking care of one’s health with the guidance of professionals is crucial, as well as finding ways to cope with the changes that come with this phase of life.
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