5 Insights I Wish I’d Had About Solo Parenting Two Tweens

This past weekend, while solo parenting my two tweens, I reached my limit. My daughter was furious over a new screen time rule I enforced: no devices after a certain hour. Sure, she could stay up a bit later, but not with a screen in hand. The intensity of her anger mirrored my own. Underneath her frustration was a quest for independence, while my anger stemmed from self-doubt and a longing for another adult—someone who understood my kids and shared my values—to discuss these challenges with.

After we both went to bed feeling upset, I found myself reflecting on how unprepared I was for this stage of parenting. It feels like just yesterday they were little kids, and now here I am, navigating the complexities of tweens. Since I can’t change the past, I want to share some lessons for other solo parents who are about to face similar challenges.

Self-Doubt is Common

Without another parent to share thoughts on rules and consequences, it can be tough to determine if I’m being too strict or too lenient. Friends and family offer suggestions, but nothing compares to the insight of someone who loves your tweens like you do. While I can’t silence that nagging doubt, it’s comforting to realize that you’re not alone in feeling this way. Work on finding strategies to quell the inner critic; your tweens see the amazing parent you are.

Guilt is a Constant Companion

Guilt often creeps in when I see my tweens struggling—whether it’s socially or academically. There’s always that nagging voice suggesting that if I had more time or wasn’t so busy managing our lives, I could help them more effectively. The truth is, there will always be things I could have done differently, but what truly matters is that I’m doing my best. I’ve discovered that the best way to combat guilt is to prioritize quality time with my tweens. When I focus on being present with them, they seem happier and more fulfilled.

Prepare for New Levels of Exhaustion

Let’s be honest: parenting tweens is tough. It’s emotionally draining, mentally taxing, and often physically exhausting in a way I never anticipated back when I was a weary parent of toddlers. Solo parenting adds another layer of difficulty that you can only grasp once you’re in the thick of it. Combine that with the challenges of raising two tweens, and “hard” doesn’t even begin to describe it. The chaos can be overwhelming, and sometimes it’s hard to think straight.

Enjoy the Fun Moments with Your Tweens

Despite the challenges, I’ve come to appreciate the joy of watching my tweens be their silly selves. They’re at that perfect age where they can enjoy more mature films yet still find delight in staying up late for a movie night with me. I often wish their father could experience these moments, but I also feel incredibly lucky to cherish them for both of us.

Your Bond with Your Tweens is Uniquely Special

Above all, this is what I wish I had known. I think of our family as a sturdy tripod—there’s no splitting responsibilities like in a two-parent household. I am their safe haven, and while it’s exhausting, knowing that my mere presence brings them comfort makes all the self-doubt and fatigue feel secondary. The shared experiences of trauma and loss have deepened our connection, allowing us to have meaningful conversations about difficult topics.

After our big argument, when we both went to bed upset, my daughter called for me in a small voice. I embraced her, and we spoke. We didn’t resolve the screen time issue that night, but we fell asleep knowing we love each other.

Ultimately, that’s the one thing I wish I had understood about solo parenting tweens—it’s chaotic, yes, but it’s also filled with love.

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Summary:

Solo parenting two tweens is a challenging experience filled with self-doubt and guilt. However, it also offers unique moments of joy and connection. By focusing on quality time and recognizing the special bond formed through shared experiences, solo parents can navigate this tumultuous stage with love and resilience.