Recently, while browsing a local parenting group on social media, I stumbled upon a familiar dilemma that many parents face as the holiday season draws near. There’s a recurring notion that children today are overly entitled and need to learn gratitude. Many parents chimed in with suggestions, but most were unproductive. One suggested that a parent should remove everything from their child’s room except the mattress, while another recommended forcing their child into volunteer work at local charities to instill appreciation. This approach is problematic.
I firmly believe we should reject performative volunteerism and the commodification of poverty. Instead, let’s focus on instilling genuine gratitude in our children throughout the year.
Growing up in the 1980s, I often heard, “Eat your food; there are starving children in other countries.” Such comments didn’t foster gratitude; they simply overlooked the real feelings of children who might not want to eat what was served.
Today, many parents pressure their kids to volunteer during holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, often taking photos to share online. This practice seems contradictory—encouraging children to be grateful while simultaneously showcasing our good deeds for social media validation. This approach does not teach children meaningful lessons.
So, how can we help our children appreciate their privileges? Here are some constructive ideas:
- Implement a Thoughtful Financial System
My kids receive a monthly allowance, dividing it into 50% for spending, 40% for savings, and 10% for charity. This system encourages them to donate thoughtfully, especially during the holiday season, and it empowers them to make decisions about giving throughout the year. - Support a Family Cause
After realizing my children were overwhelmed by gifts on their birthdays, we shifted the focus. We started a tradition where guests bring gifts for children in foster care instead of for my kids. This not only reduced the clutter but also fostered a sense of pride and excitement in helping others. - Join Engaging Volunteer Organizations
As children grow, encourage them to select clubs and organizations that align with their interests and offer meaningful service projects. When children are engaged in causes they care about, they are more likely to maintain a lifelong commitment to service. - Keep Trying
If a financial system or volunteer project doesn’t work out, don’t be discouraged. Explore new opportunities until you find the right fit for your family. Each experience teaches children the value of persistence in supporting causes that matter. - Model Gratitude
Remember, children learn by example. If they see you expressing gratitude and offering help to others, they are more likely to emulate that behavior. Make gratitude a family practice that extends beyond the holidays.
While there’s nothing wrong with volunteering at a soup kitchen or participating in community cleanups, these activities should not feel like punishments. True gratitude is learned through consistent practice and understanding—not through forced experiences. To cultivate appreciation, we must create an environment of gratitude year-round.
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Summary:
As the holiday season approaches, it’s vital to move away from superficial acts of volunteerism that do little to teach children genuine gratitude. Instead, focus on creating meaningful experiences that foster a sense of appreciation and responsibility. Implement financial systems, support family causes, engage in relevant service projects, and model gratitude consistently.
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