November 4, 2021
Bullies are the worst. Period. Whether it’s the lingering wounds from our childhood tormentors, the harassment we face as adults, or the heartbreaking realization that our children are being bullied, the pain is undeniable. Bullying strips away our sense of power, instills fear, and shakes our self-esteem. But it’s essential to remember that the problem lies with the bully—the obnoxious kid who shoves others around or the insufferable colleague who feels the need to belittle others. It’s not about you.
Bullies thrive on their insecurities, endlessly seeking validation that they will never achieve unless they change their behavior. Their desperation to be liked and perceived as significant often leads them to hurt anyone in their way—yourself or your children included.
If you or your child has been a target of bullying, always remember your worth. Remind your kids of their own value. No one can diminish that—not the obnoxious Julia who whispers about your daughter in math class, nor the insufferable Tom in your office who takes credit for others’ work and belittles anyone who stands up to him.
Julia and Tom are insignificant. You, however, are truly remarkable.
At 49, I still carry the memories of the physical and verbal bullying I faced in school. One silver lining is that it occurred before the advent of smartphones; I can’t imagine the humiliation if videos of those moments existed.
Despite my strong agreement with the sentiment about bullies, I wasn’t the one who anonymously sent the “Burn in Hell!” flower bouquet to my childhood bully’s funeral.
The scars of childhood bullying can be haunting. Even with a decent life now and some friends, I still feel the emptiness of my high school years and the ongoing trauma from middle school bullying and a cruel family.
To Mark and Tyler, who tormented me in high school: I’ve grown into a beautiful writer, a loving wife, mother, and grandmother who spreads goodness in my community. I hope you are suffering.
The long-term effects of bullying can be brutal and healing may take a lifetime, if it happens at all. But look back and recognize your strength—how resilient you are, as you are still standing today. You may even be happier and more successful than that jerk who spread rumors about you in middle school.
Exclusion as a form of bullying has existed forever. At 58, I still vividly remember those who ostracized me.
Interestingly, my middle school bully is now a teacher. I hope she has changed, because she was quite the nightmare back then!
In sixth grade, I got into a fight and bit off a piece of my bully’s ear that needed stitching back on. I earned the nickname “Psycho,” but after that, the bullies left me alone throughout the rest of school.
My husband and I were both severely bullied in elementary school. I don’t understand why people think forced interactions help anyone; in my experience, it only leads to worse bullying. The only thing that saved me was moving away.
Even if we spend years trying to heal from the wounds inflicted by childhood bullies, part of that history remains with us. We will never forget, even if we find the strength to forgive. The best we can do is turn that negative experience into something positive—by promoting kindness and teaching our kids the same.
My spouse has been nicer, but I struggle with 30 years of resentment from past bullying and gaslighting. I feel like I want a divorce, regardless of how nice he is now.
When does screaming, bullying, and name-calling cross the line? I never imagined I would marry another verbally abusive bully. I thought I chose better this time. I feel like a failure.
I need to pour vodka into my sweet tea all day whenever my financially abusive husband works from home. His presence creates anxiety, and I constantly brace for criticism, tolerating him for our financial well-being.
As adults, bullying continues to infiltrate our lives, much like it did in childhood. Sometimes, we even find ourselves married to the bully, unsure of how to escape.
I wish my significant other would confront his bully of a boss. He’s much sweeter and more passive than I am, and I just want to go down there and give her a piece of my mind!
I hope the office bully gets fired. I’m tired of watching her drive talented employees away with her aggressive demeanor.
It’s unbelievable that my workplace will fire one person for excessive absences, while another can bully others and still keep their job.
I lost a promotion to a co-worker who has been here less time than I have. The reason? She’s more “assertive” and makes things happen. No, she’s a bully—that’s what she is. But I guess the means don’t matter, as long as she gets results.
We also face bullying in the workplace, whether from a boss or a colleague. Often, it feels like there’s nothing we can do but endure the toxic environment day after day.
My husband reached his limit and found the kid who was bullying our child and threatening him. Those issues are behind us now.
Anyone who argues against transgender kids participating in sports needs to understand that every individual has a unique body with different advantages. We aren’t all made the same; let’s stop bullying minors who have much larger problems and just want to play.
Exclusion is the latest form of bullying, and its subtlety makes it particularly insidious. There are no specific rules against it, no complaints to be raised. All we can do is watch our children’s self-esteem diminish as they wonder why they are being left out.
A couple of boys at school are bullying my 7-year-old son. I despise them so much that it consumes me. I need to develop a tougher skin.
Perhaps the most heartbreaking realization is when we discover that our own kids are being bullied. Whether we witness it firsthand or hear about it later, it feels as if our hearts have been ripped out. The instinct is to protect them—confront the bully and demand they leave our kids alone!—but as parents, it’s often more effective to empower our children to handle it themselves.
We hope childhood bullies recognize their mistakes and mend their ways, understanding that their unkind actions stem from their own negative experiences. We wish the same for adult bullies, too.
But honestly, the best we can do is raise strong, resilient kids who grasp the importance of kindness. They need to learn to be upstanders, not bystanders, and never to engage in bullying themselves.
It all starts with us. Our children are observing how we act—so as parents, we must set the right example.
If you’re looking for more insights, check out our related blog post here. For authoritative information on home insemination, visit Make a Mom and explore resources from Johns Hopkins Medicine.
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- How to deal with bullying at school
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In summary, bullying affects us at all stages of life, whether as children or adults. It’s crucial to empower ourselves and our children to confront bullying with resilience and kindness, while also fostering an environment where we all can thrive.
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