Last Friday night, I went to bed with a lot of optimism. I felt great, planning to rise early to tackle some chores around the house, bake cookies for my daughter, and enjoy a hike with my boyfriend and our dog, followed by couples’ massages.
However, once I settled in, I drifted off only to wake up drenched in sweat. I couldn’t fall back asleep, and after an hour of tossing and turning, I got out of bed to crack open the window and turn on a fan. Despite the chilly 40s outside, I was burning up.
My boyfriend stirred, grabbed an extra blanket, and questioned whether the window needed to be open and the fan blasting. I informed him that I was literally sweating buckets, and yes, it was absolutely necessary. He wrapped himself up and quickly fell back asleep, snoring loudly. Frustrated, I left for the sofa after unsuccessfully trying to wake him again. I think I managed about three hours of sleep that night.
When morning came, he was in a cheery mood, commenting on how he hadn’t slept well, while I snapped back, “I guess you snore even when you’re awake.” His confusion about my mood was palpable.
I could feel my hormones plummeting as I simmered in anxiety about life. Why am I so hot? Why does my heart race? Why do I want to cry? What will happen when all my kids leave home? I need to get my hormone levels checked, but between the kids and work, I don’t have the time. I’m out of lube again. Oh no, I think I’m bleeding. Again.
Indeed, I was bleeding for the second time that month. After trying to unwind in the shower, my clothes felt uncomfortably tight, and I had a headache so severe that I thought my head might explode. I wanted to cry but tried to put on a brave face in the mirror, covering my frustration with the best makeup I could find. In the end, I still ended up in tears.
When my daughter asked about baking cookies, I snapped at her, only to feel worse afterward. My boyfriend attempted to comfort me, but he often resorts to toxic positivity when addressing my very real mood swings and perimenopausal symptoms.
“It could be worse! Nothing’s really wrong. You just need to get some rest. If you keep moving, you’ll feel better. Did you remember to get more lube? You look great!” (Insert eye-roll emoji here).
I know I’m not alone in this struggle. Just the other day, I was devouring sushi with a friend my age who confided that she battles her teens too. “My perimenopausal hormones clash with my teenagers’ hormones, and my husband thinks he just needs to stay out of my way.”
What women with a uterus experience during menstruation and perimenopause is no walk in the park, and yet we have to navigate it. The bleeding, night sweats, fatigue, and mood swings are undeniable. I believe men often don’t get it because they can’t see what’s happening. They don’t understand how we can feel fine one moment and then suddenly be overwhelmed by an internal furnace that derails everything.
They complain if they don’t get any intimacy for a few weeks, claiming it’s a valid reason to be grumpy, but they can’t seem to comprehend the hormonal shifts women have endured since the dawn of time.
I recognize that I’m not always the easiest person to be around, and this is unfamiliar territory for me—I’ve never dealt with perimenopause before, and I’m still figuring myself out.
I want to acknowledge that this is a genuine issue for couples—something many are dealing with. If you’re struggling, remember that you’re not alone. If you have advice, please share! My doctor mentioned that Vitamin D, getting enough sleep (when possible), and valerian root might help, but she doesn’t have a magic solution for this widespread concern.
This situation is affecting our relationship, and I want to improve that. I’ve decided to try my best to accept that he doesn’t fully grasp my experience since he isn’t going through it himself. Perhaps if I lower my expectations (and we turn the spare room into his personal space), things might get a little easier.
For more insights into navigating relationships and the challenges of parenthood, check out this related post on Home Insemination and learn more about artificial insemination options. If you’re interested in understanding pregnancy, this Healthline article offers an excellent resource.
Summary:
Navigating perimenopause can be a challenge for both women and their partners, especially when it comes to understanding the physical and emotional toll it takes. This article shares a personal account of the struggles faced during this transitional phase, highlighting the importance of communication and understanding in relationships. Many women experience similar frustrations, and it’s vital to acknowledge and address these issues together.
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