Parenting isn’t for everyone, and that’s perfectly fine. Many individuals are content living child-free lives, and that choice should be respected. Currently, the trend in the United States shows a decline in birth rates, yet people will continue to have kids. That’s just how it works.
As a mother of four, ranging from ages 13 to 5, I have a wide array of parenting experiences. From zero to four years old, I’ve accumulated a significant amount of time navigating the challenges of early childhood. Unfortunately, the world isn’t always kind to children or their parents. Some adults simply don’t like kids, which can be a tough reality for those of us raising them.
It’s common for people without children to have unrealistic expectations of how kids should behave. They often view children as miniature adults who should adhere to adult standards. This idea is wildly inaccurate. Kids are inherently different from adults; they are still growing and learning. Expecting them to behave like fully developed individuals is simply not reasonable.
When babies are around, they can be loud and fussy, whether at home, in stores, on planes, or even at church. Once, a woman at church told me to take my 14-month-old outside because his happy babbling disturbed her. Instead of leaving, I chose to stay, informed the pastor, and later wrote a blog post addressing such intolerance. It was cathartic, but it still saddened me. Why should anyone be intolerant of innocent children?
As kids grow, we place higher expectations on them. While some children can sit still and be quiet, that’s not the case for every kid. If yours is one of those who can sit still, that’s great! If not, that’s perfectly okay too. No one besides a doctor, teacher, or behavioral specialist you’ve sought advice from should dictate how your child should behave. It’s essential for parents to remember this, though developing a thick skin can be challenging.
I’m not suggesting that everyone who chooses a child-free life is intolerant. Many people understand and respect parenting. However, some have forgotten that they were once children themselves. We all started as infants who cried, made noise, and had our struggles. Remembering this shared experience can foster compassion.
I strive to be considerate of those without children, hoping my kids will behave respectfully around them. But, I shouldn’t have to suppress my child’s personality for someone else’s comfort. While I want my children to act appropriately, sometimes things don’t go as planned. That’s where grace comes into play. It’s not about me asking for grace; it’s about that adult recognizing that kids will be kids and extending grace naturally.
Just as I wouldn’t judge your child-free lifestyle, please refrain from critiquing my parenting. We’re all navigating this complex world, trying our best to raise children while managing our own lives. Parenting requires strength and resilience. Children are a part of our society, and they will always be with us—thankfully, or else life as we know it would cease to exist!
It’s adults who need to mature. Children’s brains aren’t fully developed until about 25 years old, so why do we impose such high expectations on them? This isn’t fair to the child or the parent who feels judged for their kid’s behavior.
To those who have chosen not to have children: when you see a parent struggling with a child—whether a baby or a teen—take a moment to reflect on your own childhood. You were once a child, too; you made mistakes and learned along the way. Instead of judging, treat kids with the respect you expect for yourself. Remember the simple message on many T-shirts: “Be Kind.” Children will soon grow into adults, and they’re always observing how those around them behave.
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In summary, it’s essential to recognize that not everyone wants children, and that’s perfectly valid. However, it’s crucial to treat children with kindness and understanding. Adults need to remember their own childhoods and extend grace to kids and parents alike. Everyone is doing their best in this complex world.
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