Gaslighting is a behavior that has been around for quite some time, but it has only recently become a topic of open discussion. You might know someone in an unhealthy relationship or even find yourself in one. There are warning signs indicating something is off, but pinpointing the issue can be challenging. This kind of toxic behavior is commonly referred to as gaslighting. While not everyone who engages in this behavior is a narcissist, there is often a correlation. Let’s explore what gaslighting means.
According to Psychology Today, gaslighting makes you question your own reality. The person doing the gaslighting will insist they never said or did things you believe they did. When they fail to convince you, they flip the script and claim you’re imagining things or losing your mind. The term “gaslighting” originates from a 1938 play titled “Gas Light,” where a husband tries to make his wife doubt her sanity by manipulating small elements of their environment.
It’s important to note that while not every gaslighter is a narcissist, many individuals who engage in this behavior exhibit narcissistic traits. Dr. George Simon explains that narcissists often use gaslighting as a means of control, lacking empathy or remorse. The effects of being gaslit can linger long after the relationship ends. Here are five common phrases that signal gaslighting:
- “You’re Overreacting”
This phrase is exasperating to hear. How can someone who hurt you also suggest that your feelings are exaggerated? It’s a tactic to minimize their responsibility and your emotions, conditioning you to accept their version of reality and allowing them to continue their harmful behavior. - “You’re Crazy/You Need Help”
This is often said when you express a viewpoint that the other person disagrees with. They might weaponize your mental health against you, implying that your feelings are invalid or that you need professional help. Remember, being honest about your feelings does not make you “crazy.” - “Stop Living in the Past”
When you try to recall previous incidents or patterns of behavior, a gaslighter may dismiss your memories. They want to prevent you from acknowledging the truth of past events, as this knowledge threatens their control over the situation. - “I Never Did That”
This statement denies your experience and leaves no room for discussion. Keeping a record of events can be helpful to counteract this manipulation. Documenting your feelings and experiences not only offers clarity but also serves as a therapeutic outlet during challenging times. - “Can’t You Take a Joke?”
When someone makes hurtful comments and then claims they were just joking, it’s a red flag. True humor does not come at the expense of another’s feelings. If someone consistently makes remarks that belittle you and then hides behind the guise of humor, it’s not a joke; it’s an insult.
While this list isn’t exhaustive, it’s crucial to be aware of how people communicate with you. Gaslighting can occur in various relationships, including familial and workplace dynamics. All relationships face challenges, but that does not justify manipulative or abusive behavior. For more detailed insights, check out this related blog post.
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