When we think of intimate partner violence (IPV), we often picture a victim with visible injuries, bruises concealed under layers of makeup. This image, however, is just one facet of a complex issue that isn’t always so clear-cut. It’s unfortunate that many people need to see the signs to truly believe in the reality of IPV. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) defines intimate partner violence as physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, and psychological aggression by a current or former partner. Yet, physical harm is what most individuals associate with abuse. This misconception is prevalent not only among observers but also among those who find themselves in abusive situations. Statistics reveal a troubling reality: 1 in 4 women and nearly 1 in 10 men have experienced IPV. I am among that statistic. I am a survivor.
For a long time, I struggled to accept the label of “survivor.” My experiences felt less significant compared to what I believed true abuse looked like. I often thought, “He never hit me—can it really be abuse?” or “She only belittled me with words; maybe I should have been stronger.” But the truth is, no one deserves to be stalked, manipulated, or abused, regardless of the form it takes.
Silence allows intimate partner violence to persist. I recall a specific incident from my past relationship that highlights this. At the time, I didn’t grasp what was happening, but now it’s painfully clear: my partner was watching me. Many individuals have an instinctual sense of being observed. After being in a toxic relationship for so long, that instinct became distorted. I never considered that my husband could stalk me.
Constant phone calls and relentless text messages seemed normal. After all, this was my partner—the father of my children. The invasive inquiries about my whereabouts felt justified because we were married. This pattern of behavior had been present from the beginning of our relationship, making it easy to dismiss any alarm bells. Even when dining out with family, my phone would buzz incessantly, filled with messages questioning my actions.
One day, everything changed. While at work, I received a message asking what I was doing. Confused, I responded that I was working. Then came the accusatory texts, complete with a photo of me taken during my break. He had followed me to my workplace, 45 minutes away from home. I had no idea. In that moment, I was paralyzed by fear, not wanting to provoke another confrontation. Every time I returned home from a rare night out, dread washed over me as I re-entered what felt like a prison.
Writing this now makes me feel vulnerable and bewildered. How did I not recognize these signs sooner? Intimate partner violence can affect anyone, regardless of background or education. Consider the case of musician FKA Twigs, who bravely spoke out against abuse from her partner, Shia LaBeouf. Even someone with so many resources can fall victim to such violence.
Opening up about my experience is still painful, but I do so with purpose. I want to reach those who might be experiencing similar situations and remind them that it’s not okay and not normal. Above all, it’s not your fault. You are not weak or unworthy. Intimate partner violence can happen to anyone.
If you find yourself caught in this cycle, remember that change is possible. It took me over a decade to realize that I deserved better, and I want you to know that you can find hope and healing too. I may not know you personally, but I am sending you support and encouragement. You deserve a life filled with health, happiness, and love.
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Summary:
Intimate partner violence (IPV) extends beyond physical abuse, encompassing emotional and psychological manipulation. Survivors often struggle to recognize their experiences as abuse, leading to silence that enables the cycle to continue. Sharing personal experiences can empower others to acknowledge their situations and seek help. Change is possible, and support is available for those in need.
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