When I returned to the dating scene after losing my partner, just before the pandemic hit, a date of mine cautioned me about the app-based dating environment. He mentioned that it was common to catch dates swiping for new matches while you were in the restroom, highlighting a culture focused on instant gratification where quantity often outweighed quality. (Yes, I was alarmed, and no, I didn’t see him again for other reasons.) Whatever dating resembled back then, it certainly lacked intention.
Then, in March 2020, everything changed. The COVID-19 pandemic abruptly halted everyday life, bringing schools, businesses, and social engagements to a standstill. Over the past eighteen months, life has begun to return (sometimes hesitantly), but very little has resumed in its former state. The pandemic transformed many aspects of our lives, including how we work, travel, and, importantly, how we date. In the wake of this upheaval, many people are now gravitating towards more purposeful dating practices.
A 2021 study conducted by Match, which surveyed 5,000 singles, revealed that 58% of app users have embraced “purposeful dating.” The results indicated that 53% of these users are now prioritizing relationships more than they did pre-pandemic, 53% are reconsidering the traits they seek in potential partners, nearly 70% report being more honest with matches, and 44% are engaging in deeper conversations.
Research from Hinge Labs echoed these findings, noting that singles took time during the pandemic to reflect on their dating habits. This introspection led many to slow down and carefully consider what they truly desire in a partner, breaking away from detrimental dating habits and adopting a more intentional approach.
What Does Purposeful Dating Mean?
The term “purposeful dating” sounds appealing, and I fully advocate for being mindful in all aspects of life. But what does it concretely entail in today’s world, where countless potential matches are just a swipe away?
Purposeful dating is fundamentally about deceleration. It involves stepping away from the casual swipe-right-or-left mentality and being more thoughtful about the dating journey. It requires considering what you genuinely want in a partner and examining your own patterns and habits that may be hindering your search.
In practice, it could mean reducing the number of matches you pursue and taking the time to genuinely get to know someone before meeting in person—a shift towards valuing quality over quantity.
What’s Driving the Shift to Purposeful Dating?
The transition to purposeful dating is understandable given how the pandemic reshaped our lives. During those early months, anyone outside our close circle was approached with caution. Loneliness surged, prompting many to reevaluate their priorities and what they truly seek in relationships.
Dr. Sarah Jenkins, a sociology professor at Coastal University and author of the book The Dating Landscape: Understanding Modern Connections, affirmed this in an interview with TIME. She stated, “Periods of isolation led individuals to reassess their priorities and clarify what they genuinely want from relationships.”
Dr. Mark Thompson, a sociology expert at State University, noted that while the pandemic may have diminished some of the excitement around casual dating, the trend towards purposeful dating aligns with a broader movement that had already begun. His research indicates that, over the last decade, more users have been utilizing dating apps to seek serious relationships rather than casual encounters.
The Advantages of Purposeful Dating
Purposeful dating may or may not resonate with you; it’s not a universal solution for everyone, and that’s perfectly fine! However, many experts view this shift as a beneficial one. Lisa Grant, a matchmaker and CEO of Elite Connections, suggests that taking a step back can open up new opportunities for those seeking meaningful connections.
“People often swiped too frequently on dating apps, in pursuit of a ‘perfect type,’ which doesn’t actually exist,” she explained. “By focusing on purpose, we can redefine what ‘perfect’ means.”
Purposeful dating doesn’t necessarily equate to only pursuing long-term relationships. Some individuals are simply being more mindful about how, when, and why they engage with potential matches. This could mean refraining from swiping while on a date or striving to remain present and engaged in the moment. Others, like myself, are working on being intentional during the dating process—resisting the urge to meet societal milestones or rush into situations simply because it’s expected.
Whether single or not, the past year and a half has compelled all of us to reconsider our values. We’ve had to think deeply about who matters most and what kind of life we want to create. Overall, this trend is one many can embrace.
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