My late partner adored Thanksgiving. He cherished bringing family together and hosting friends, and more than anything, he relished the joy of not having to drive home afterward (just kidding, kind of). During our first Thanksgiving in what we dreamed would be our forever home, he found joy in standing at the head of the table, carving the turkey—a moment that epitomized his dream of a home filled with family and love, a table without empty chairs.
Sadly, my partner, Alex, was diagnosed with brain cancer before he could host another Thanksgiving, and he passed away, leaving an unfilled void at our table. That first Thanksgiving without him is a blur, with only the profound sense of his absence and the silence at the table echoing in my mind. I vividly recall the chair that should have been his—sitting empty.
In the years that followed, that empty chair remained a symbolic presence at our gatherings (figuratively speaking, of course). Fast forward to this Thanksgiving—I’m in a serious relationship with someone new, and it brings a whirlwind of emotions. Navigating life as a widow is complex. While guilt and grief can often cloud the journey, joy and hope have also found their place.
This year, my sister-in-law, my late partner’s sister, is hosting Thanksgiving and has invited my boyfriend, whom I’ve been seeing for a year and a half. Assuming he’s not working, it will be his first holiday with my husband’s family, which means we’ll have both an empty chair and an extra chair at the table.
I have no idea how this will unfold for me, my children, my boyfriend, or my late partner’s family, who have embraced me as their own. I anticipate there will be challenges for everyone involved. Balancing the memory of my husband while creating space for my boyfriend requires a strength that is often overlooked. My in-laws have demonstrated this countless times, sharing stories about Alex while also listening to their grandchildren recount funny moments with my boyfriend—a reminder of the loss they endure. Yet, they’ve welcomed the idea of someone new joining us at the table.
My kids are truly remarkable at making and holding space. Their ability to honor the past while looking ahead sets a high standard for all of us. They effortlessly weave together stories of Daddy and tales about my boyfriend, addressing what was and what will be without hesitation. They’ve grown to love the new man in my life and often wonder if Daddy would have liked him, too. I tell them I believe he would.
Creating space for my boyfriend while honoring my husband is a continual journey. It can feel overwhelming, much like being wedged between the past and the future in a cramped airplane seat. However, I’m fortunate not to be alone. I have supportive in-laws, children who are learning to live vibrantly despite their loss, and a boyfriend who confidently embraces this new dynamic. If I take a step back, I can see the space between the empty chair and the extra chair this Thanksgiving as a reminder to live fully in the present—a lesson we all must embrace.
If you’re inspired by this journey, consider exploring additional resources on home insemination and parental guidance on websites like Make A Mom and Cleveland Clinic’s podcast.
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Summary: This Thanksgiving, the author reflects on the poignant mix of emotions surrounding the empty chair representing her late partner and the new relationship in her life. While navigating grief and joy, she highlights the importance of making space for both memories of the past and new beginnings, especially during family gatherings.
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