Parenting
By Taylor Evans
Updated: November 5, 2021
Originally Published: November 5, 2021
“Absolutely, I’m diagnosing her with autism,” the doctor stated. “She’ll enjoy attending parties, but hosting one isn’t in the cards for her.” This was how my daughter’s diagnosis was conveyed to me.
What? She’s just two! What if she doesn’t even enjoy parties? Perhaps they assumed I couldn’t handle more constructive insights, or maybe they were attempting to connect with my reality. All I could focus on were these bleak, predetermined notions of what my child supposedly wouldn’t be able to do for the rest of her life. (By the way, she loves parties!)
As I left the developmental pediatrician’s office, I held my precious two-year-old’s hand. She was captivated by the sights and sounds around her, joyfully skipping through the parking lot with the wind tousling her hair. Meanwhile, I was overwhelmed with questions and uncertainties, not sharing in her happiness as we headed home to our comfort zone.
What now?
I had anticipated this moment. I had noticed differences in her behavior that led me to scour the internet, diving deep into a well of despair. (Be cautious where you venture during late-night Google searches when you’re hyperfocused and possibly undiagnosed with ADHD.) But now, leaving the doctor’s office, it was no longer a theory—it was a reality.
I understand the fear. Your beloved child has received a daunting diagnosis. But do you know why this particular label is so intimidating? Because that’s the narrative that captures attention. It’s prevalent in many areas of society. Fear is a powerful motivator. But here’s the truth: like so many things in life, we often fear what we don’t comprehend. If you’re just entering the world of autism, I’ve got some uplifting news for you.
Your child will be okay, and so will you.
Here’s the list I wished I had that day—a guide to help transform the swirling confusion in my mind into actionable, reasonable, and non-fear-inducing steps. This is from someone who has walked the path you’re on.
- Pause and Breathe. This may sound cliché, but hear me out. The immediate response is often to dive into every possible therapy. Take a moment. Go to the park. Enjoy time with your child. That little one you cherish? Shower them with love, however that manifests in your family. It’s beneficial for both of you. Start here, with love.
- Your child is still the same. Nothing has changed about who they are. The moment before and after the diagnosis is identical. The only difference is the newfound understanding that your child’s brain operates differently, and you can learn strategies to help them flourish.
- Listen to autistic voices. This has been the most transformational step for me since my child’s diagnosis. I regret not considering the perspectives of autistic adults sooner. Many of them share their insights and experiences to assist children like yours and their families. When you enter these spaces, remember, it’s about your child, not your feelings. Prepare to learn and grow; it’s incredibly rewarding.
- Explore your options. You’ll likely receive suggestions for a full schedule of therapies. Take a moment to observe your child and research before committing to any therapy that promises to make them “normal.” Many therapies do not have the magical outcomes they claim.
- Your child is not broken. Ensure they understand this, and believe it yourself. Consider the impact of living life feeling fundamentally flawed. Society often labels differences as wrong—make your home a sanctuary where your child is accepted for who they are.
- Build your support network. Be thoughtful about the people you surround yourself with; their influence will shape how you interact with your child. Avoid groups that focus on negativity or what your child lacks. Instead, seek out those who prioritize your child’s strengths and support you through knowledge and understanding.
- Embrace the learning curve. The overwhelming amount of information on autism can feel like drowning. Instead of succumbing to it, find joy in the learning process. Gradually absorb information, ask questions, and don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Here are 100+ books on autism and neurodiversity, all created and vetted by autistic individuals.
- Understand the spectrum. Many people ask, “Where is your child on the spectrum?” The reality is more complex than a simple line. Check out this insightful comic by Rebecca Burgess to grasp the true nature of the spectrum from the perspective of autistic individuals.
- Honor your child’s identity. You might notice I refer to “autistic” instead of “has autism.” This reflects a common preference within the autistic community. It’s crucial to respect how individuals choose to identify themselves, and at some point, your child will determine how they wish to be recognized.
- Adjust to your new normal. It’s perfectly fine to embrace a different family dynamic. Relieving yourself of expectations can be liberating. Cease comparisons and arbitrary timelines; your family’s value is not measured by societal norms. Allow your child to chart their own path. Relish the journey; your child is enough just as they are.
This article was originally published on November 5, 2021.
For more insights, check out this other blog post here.
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Summary: This article provides essential insights for parents navigating their child’s autism diagnosis. It emphasizes the importance of pausing to breathe, embracing your child’s identity, listening to autistic voices, and building a supportive network. By focusing on love and understanding, parents can learn to support their children while adjusting to a new normal.
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